Old Willow

The Penn State landmark known as Old Willow is blown down by strong winds on Friday, March 26, 2021 near Old Main in University Park, Pa. 

Editor’s Note: The Daily Collegian does not support the death of the “Old Willow” in any way but is committed to publishing Op-Eds from a range of opinions, nutjobs and losers.

Last week, the “Old Willow” on Old Main Lawn came crashing down due to gusts of strong wind overnight. For many, March 26, 2021, will be a day that lives in infamy for taking the “Old Willow” from us.

Legend says that Penn State President Evan Pugh planted the original Old Willow. The tree that recently got annihilated by the harsh State College weather was a third generation of the original Old Willow.

Many across the Penn State community were deeply hurt by the loss of this iconic part of the University Park campus. These people are wrong. The Old Willow deserved to die and it got what was coming to it.

I know many of you reading this agree with the sentiment that the loss of the Old Willow is not a loss but are too scared to speak up.

Who really needs trees anyway?! What do they even do for us? Especially while they are alive. Oxygen?! Oxygen is practically useless, and it’s like, everywhere. Our world has so much oxygen it created an atmosphere (citation needed).

I know for a fact that there would be no negative consequences of getting rid of all the trees in the world. Ask any any scientists on Shell or BP’s payroll and they will agree with me, we don’t need any more trees.

People whine about deforestation saying, “We’re going to lose the Amazon rainforest in a generation,” or “I am the Lorax I speak for the trees!” or some other nonsense. Cry me a melted iceberg. Chipity, chopity, let’s raze the earth for monetary… gain.

Now, most readers probably agree with me that destroying the maximum amount of trees possible is a good thing. But killing the Old Willow, that seems like a step too far. It’s an icon of Penn State’s campus.

Yet why should the Old Willow get special treatment? What makes it so much better than all the other trees in the world? It’s not better than all the trees, bushes, and shrubberies — in fact, it’s worse.

The Old Willow was a blemish upon the face of campus. It’s branches provided shade for people to hang out. It had that stupid blue historical marker next to it probably saying something along the lines of: “King Henry V planted this tree during the American Revolution while he was faculty at Penn State.” Or some other lame history fact.

It’s just an old tree — we should be glad it’s gone and no longer mooching off the system absorbing our tuition dollars.

In conclusion, be happy, my people, that the Old Willow has left this mortal plane for Tree Hell where it belongs. Heed my warning, Pennsylvania State University, and the tree-hugging hippies that run this joint, if you put another tree there and attempt to pass it off as the Old Willow — I will come and chop it down to a stump.

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