American Idol premiered this week with a two-night, four-hour premiere. I'm not gonna lie--I was PSYCHED! Eight seasons in, I am still a total American Idol dork and it's the one (or two or three) time a week where I don't answer my phone and refuse to do any work while I'm watching. In honor of the first two rounds of auditions, here are my early audition awards:

Best Simon Quote:

A three way tie between--

3)When Paula told a contestant he sounded like Joe Cocker, Simon responded with: "I would say cocker spaniel."

2)"It sounded like a cat jumping off the Empire State Building."

1)When Paula told a contestant he needed to join a band and experience the blood, sweet and tears to gain experience, Simon sarcastically asked, "How do you think 'Straight Up' was written?"

Paula's Most Clueless Moment:

She sincerely told a deep-voiced contestant that he could do "voiceover work for movies with monsters in them" as an alternative career. Good idea, Paula. I'm sure that's what he's always dreamed of doing.

Most Cringe-Worthy Moment:

Kansas City's Michael Nicewonder. Despite the pretty awesome name, this guy really made me feel uncomfortable inside. I have no problem with the judges making fun of the ego-bloated, awful singers, but I'm worried about what the comments could do to a guy with this kind of mental state. From the hair, to the "medal", to his odd song about is mother, it was all a little too much for me.

Best Change:

The addition of Kara DioGuardi. I was a little wary of the fourth judge idea, but I have found myself REALLY liking her. She's smart, fresh and knows what she's talking about. I also like that she's a sharp female opinion (since we all know that Paula's doesn't really count). Kara says the constructive things that Simon is known for without being snotty.

Schnazziest costume change:

Paula's glasses at the Arizona auditions. They almost made her look intelligent. Almost.

Biggest Surprise:

The skanky bikini girl wasn't really that bad. Seriously!! I don't expect her to crack the top 12, but she was much better than I anticipated and I too would have given her a chance in Hollywood

Most WTF Audition:

Arizona contestant Michael Gurr. His whiney, nasally voice coupled with the constipated facial features really had me scratching my head.

Top Ten Most Promising Auditions:

10.) J. B. Afhua (Night One)--this guy had a great voice but he reminded me a little too much of last season's David Hernandez. I hope he can overcome the boring and stand out.

9.) Alex Wagner-Trugman (Night One)--he missed a Spanish test to audition, made the wackiest faces and was a total dork, but there was something very witty and deadpan about him that makes me want to see him prove Simon wrong.

8.) Scott McIntyre (Night One)--The guy is blind and graduated college at 19. His voice was controlled and felt like a softer version of Josh Groban, and although I think his performance needed a bit more pizzazz, he was memorable.

7.) Michael Castro (Night Two)--I liked Jason Castro last season and his brother is basically the same guy with pink hair. For some reason, I think the Castro brothers' "whatever" attitudes are oddly refreshing and I can see Michael using Jason's success to get far.

6.) Anoop Desai (Night Two)--Anoop had a surprisingly soulful voice, and while Simon called him "geeky," I think that geek factor is part of his charm.

5.) Deanna Brown (Night One)--her rendition of "Sittin' on the Dock of the Bay" was genuine and controlled. She sounded like a mix between Dolly Parton and Amanda Overmyer from last season.

4.) Ashley Anderson (Night Two)--She may have messed up the words to a song Simon helped write, but she definitely has a strong voice that I can see carrying her through Hollywood.

3.) Danny Gokey (Night Two)--He reminds me a lot of season five's Elliot Yamin. He was kind of dorky, kind of soulful, and the tragic loss of his wife bought him a sympathy vote.

2.) Lil Rounds (Night Two)--Classy and humble with a tragic back story, she sounds like a cross between Fantasia and Paris Bennett from season five.

1.) Jessica Paige Ferney (Night Two)--Sounded a bit like Carrie Underwood and has that ugly duckling thing about her. I think she could blossom into a surprising star.

- Kristen.