Week two of American Idol: Season 8 saw auditions in San Francisco and Louisville, Kentucky. Here are the best and worst of the week:

Best Simon Lines:

"It was like you were drunk. I'm not talking one or two bottles; it was like a crate."

"Imagine 22 horses and donkey," to Tiffany Shedd, that creepy blonde chick from Wednesday night opening.

Favorite Paula Moment:

The old stand-by--"I don't think this is the right competition for you." And I am STILL loving those glasses!

Most WTF moment:

The little montages of great singers they slapped together (some were only shown celebrating with their tickets). I'm so sick of the bad auditions--show me the people who are actually going to be in this for the long haul!

Craziest Audition:

Tatiana Del Tora on San Francisco night--not the worst singer in the world, but that dress and that WACKY, WACKY laugh made me super uncomfortable, not to mention the fact that when one of the judges told her she looked "naughty," she responded with a "thank you"...

Creeper of the Week:

Mark Mudd in Kentucky. He said he's almost died five times and threatened the judges to "watch out."

Biggest Loser:

Dean-Anthony Bradford, better known as "The Coat Guy"--seriously, what was up with that crazy plaid jacket thing??? He did, however, deliver a double whammy of quotes during his audition. I don't know which was creepier: his ascertain that the plaid abomination was "like the jacket of life" or his response to Simon's criticism of his supposedly natural hair color--"the carpet matches the drapes." EWWWW!

Oh-Snap! Moment:

When Akilah Askew-Gohlson (whom Simon affectionately referred to as Ah-kill-uh and got her singing information off of the internet) told Paula that she only had one hit song out in the 80s when she was a kid. Granted, Paula Abdul is not the most talented singer out there, but "Straight Up" is a damn good song and I'm thinking it took a bit more than that to get behind that judges table. I would have slapped her.

My New Best Friend:

Can I just say again how much I love Kara? I didn't realize just how incompetent the other three judges were until this season. I agree with just about everything she says and she seems to restore the sanity to the judging booth. Maybe good singers will get some real praise during the finals this year (Carly Smithson, cough cough).

Top Ten Most Promising Auditions:

7-10.)A combination of Kris Allen, Felicia Barton, Ryan Johnson and Shera Lawrence,

who all sounded good in the two-second clips Idol so kindly showed us. Keep an eye open for them.

6.) Matt Giraud ("I Don't Wanna Be"--Kentucky)--sang a little too fast, but had an interesting sound. I didn't necessarily see it, but Simon said Matt reminded him of Elliot in season five (one of my all-time faves).

5.) Brent Keith Smith ("Can't Get Enough of Your Love"--Kentucky)--Isn't it about time this competition had a male country singer with a chance of actually making a record?

4.) Laneshe Young (sang her own song--Kentucky)--for someone who has gone through so much in life, this girl and her family were some of the most polite people ever on this show. Her voice was current and fresh, not to mention the fact that she writes her own music.

3.) Alexis Grace ("Dr. Feelgood"--Kentucky)--she has a huge voice for such a little person and I can really see her holding her own on stage. Alexis also had a little daughter and military fiancé, which will totally get her some sympathy fans.

2.) Joanna Pacitti ("We Belong"--Kentucky)--She had a strong, controlled voice and has been previously signed, proving she has determination.

1.) Kai Kalama (SF)--Simon said he had "the personality of a ship singer" but I really loved this guy. He had the sob story with his sick mother and overall had a nice, deep and controlled voice. Kai seemed like a sweetie and one to watch.

-Krsiten