Politically minded students must be feeling lucky right now.

UPUA elections have wrapped up. The Indecision 2008 comedy tour is hitting campus (check out p. 14). The hand-shaking, baby-holding extravaganza that is the Democratic primary race is descending on the state like a swarm of pro-choice locusts, and I just learned, via psucollegian.com, that Barack Obama plans to visit campus Sunday.

Presidential primaries are exciting times, and the most exciting parts are the gaffes. Months of meticulous preparation and millions of dollars of fundraising can disappear with a single "BYYYAAAWWWWW!"

So far, we haven't seen any meltdowns. Two strong candidates lead their races: the likable, dignified John McCain and the idealistic, eloquent Obama.

Either would be a great choice, but neither is married to Bill Clinton, something political analysts think could matter in a tight race.

Only one candidate can guarantee a return of "Big" Bill Clinton to Capitol Hill, and that's Hillary.

Think about how much fun Bill would be as first First Gentleman. If Hillary bombs, you know you can count on Bill to get himself into some hilarious political sexcapades.

The biggest news stories of President Bush's term were a horrific tragedy and an expensive war. The biggest news story of Clinton's presidency was a blowjob. Much more fun. It's especially fun for journalists, because they get to use words like "blowjob" in articles or at least "oral sex." Isn't that fun? I never get the chance to do that, so I'm gonna run with it -- blowjob.

I know who I'm voting for this November. I hope you find someone who inspires you, and if you don't, there's always Ralph Nader.

Billy Wellock is a sophomore majoring in English and The Daily Collegian Venues Chief. His e-mail is waw5010@psu.edu and for the last time, he is already registered, OK?