I'm already an old man at 22. I realized this while sitting on a bench at a local mall over spring break, when I found myself uttering three words unfit for a man weeks away from a bachelor's degree:

"Kids these days."

Hold on a second. Kids these days? I was just a teenager three-and-a-half years ago! What happened?

It was about 7 or so on a Friday night, primetime for the pubescent mallrats to come out. My mom ran to the bathroom, and I had the chance to observe the youth culture a little bit.

And suddenly, I saw everyone under the age of 18 through the eyes of an 80 year-old. "Is that what's in these days, with the bangs in their face and the dyed hair and the piercings? Kids these days." "Is that boy wearing girls' jeans? Kids these days." "Look at that skirt! That girl can't be past the seventh grade! Kids these days."

I feel one step away from embarrassing younger relatives with out-of-touch questions, such as "So who's this Barry Potter that all the kids seem to like?"

These kids would be embarrassed to be seen at the mall with their mom, but I couldn't wait for mine to get back so I had someone closer to my own age to talk to.

I guess part of the problem comes from the inherent ageism I've picked up here at Penn State. In college, your social life is largely restricted to the very narrow 18 to 22 year-old range.

I stayed here last summer, for example, and was thrown off by the appearance of little children and families on Beaver Avenue coming out to play while the students were away. I realized I hardly interacted with anyone aside from undergraduates on any meaningful basis.

What's worse, I'm more aware of the sudden cultural gap now that my youngest brother, Tyler, is 13. His holiday gifts have shifted from toys to video games and clothes. He's grown an inch every time I go home, and has gained braces and lost the ability to comb his hair.

He's even got a cell phone now, meaning I can harmonize with parents twice my age all across the country and ask, "What does a 13 year-old need a cell phone for?" Kids these days.

And suddenly, I feel like an old man. When did I trade beer bongs for a garden hose to spray at eight-year-old intruders on my lawn? It's a good thing I don't live in the dorms anymore, or I might intercept a rogue football out on Pollock lawn and yell "That's it, you spoiled brat, this time I'm keeping it!" to a confused sophomore.

So let this be a warning. Once you're out of the loop, there's no way to get back in. Hopefully, I've spotted my growing cultural irrelevance before it's too late and can get my brother to fill me on what's hip with the kids these days. In fact, I think I'll give him a ring on that cell phone of his and ask him about this Hannah Nebraska girl I keep hearing about.

Dustin Pangonis is a senior majoring in journalism and is a senior film/TV reporter for The Daily Collegian. His e-mail address is dtp130@psu.edu.