Say you are at a wonderful Valentine's Day dinner with your sweetheart. The roses are a hit, and the chocolates are her favorite kind, but you want to do something memorable.

So, after a while you decide to sing her a love song -- but not just any love song; it is one by the immortal lyricist of lust, himself: R. Kelly.

It, not surprisingly, ruins the dinner, and you end up tending your rose-thorn wounds the rest of the night.

R. Kelly's discography is extensive, with pre-peeing incident Grammy-winner "I Believe I Can Fly" from the Space Jam soundtrack probably the most notable single.

However, the quality and, we'll say, "tameness" of his songs have gone in a slightly different direction since MJ was dunking with Bugs Bunny.

The songs still have the same tone, with Kelly's smooth voice able to woo even the least romantically inclined women, but the lyrics and song names are a completely different story. We'll just look at a few and provide some reasons why some sweet R. Kelly R&B might not be the best choice when trying to show your Valentine how much you care.

"Sex Planet"

"We'll stick a flag on the moon / First couple to make love on planet Neptune / And if time allow us / We'll be gone for hours / I won't stop until I give you meteor showers"

These lyrics are not only silly, but they are physically impossible. Neptune, even if Kelly's love spaceship could reach it, is way too cold for any type of lovemaking to occur on its surface. Way to research, R. Kelly. Do not attempt to sing this song to your Valentine because it will imply some promises that you will not be able to keep.

"He's a good R&B artist, but his lyrics, well -- obviously," Dan Myers (junior-architectural engineering) said. "It's something I think my little sister would write as a joke."

"Double Up"

"Step up out the club with a dizzy head / I got two chicks both got dizzy legs / I'm about to double up / You know I'm about to double up"

Subtle, Mr. Kelly, very subtle. Though when he sings these lyrics they seem to rhyme, he must have had a slightly dizzy head to think they would go over well with the ladies. Alyssa Farrell (junior-theatre) was not pleased after hearing the lyrics to "Double Up."

"That just made me lose all respect for him," she said. "I don't think I would be thrilled to hear that I am one of two."

"Sex Weed"

"Baby I'm about to go up in smoke / Cause your sex weed ain't no joke / So, girl, go ahead and light that dope / I'm about to smoke it down to a roach"

The analogy works here. Like our other examples, R. pulls no punches, but it does have a slight sweetness to it. It's like saying, "Hey baby, you make me feel fantastic for a while, but when it's over, I'm just not that interested," after which you eat an entire package of hot dogs and listen to Phish's Billy Breathes on repeat. Hot.

Charlotte Prentice (senior-chemical engineering) replied with a simple "no thank you."

"Does he just like to rhyme things?" she said. Yes, Charlotte, I think he does.

"The Zoo"

"It's like a rainforest / Just like Jurassic Park / Except I'm your Sex-a-saurus"

R. Kelly, please don't bore us. We're just the audience-a-saurus. I can do it, too.

Sara Eve Rivera (junior-photography) wasn't too impressed with Kelly's display of rhyming skill in this example, either, and couldn't quite understand how he is so popular.

"How are these people rich and people that write really beautiful stuff poor?" she said.

After browsing some lyric Web sites and putting up with a roommate who has "Double Up" and "Chocolate Factory" on repeat, I've come to realize many things about the infamous Robert Sylvester Kelly.

The most prominent realization, however, is that he is a rhyme master. The rhymes he spits out may not be the most beautiful or romantic for the genre, but they do rhyme. After talking to students around campus and gauging their reactions, I'm guessing the best Valentine's Day jam might not be "Sex Weed" unless you're into that sort of thing.

So enjoy your Valentine's Day (mine will be R. Kelly-free), but in the words of the man himself:

"The only thing I'm trying to establish with you is not / Who's right and whose wrong, but what's right and what's wrong / Real Talk."