I don't make a salary working for The Daily Collegian.

Every semester, editors, designers and a few senior reporters get a middling grant check as compensation for their hard work and dedication in service to the paper, but if you work it out to an hourly wage, it's essentially volunteer work.

That's why, even as a former music reporter and the editor of this here arts publication, it's hard for me to make both the time and the money required to see a lot of the exciting happenings in the local arts and entertainment scene.

But some dude named Joe Paterno, on the other hand, apparently makes a lot of money.

How much, I'm not sure as of the time I'm writing this column, but judging by the impact the guy has had and continues to have on this university and the vast amount of money he contributes from his salary, it's probably more than all our grant checks put together.

I'm figuring after taxes, investments, philanthropy, stocking the wine cellar and all that jazz, Joe's probably got about $465 to throw around for weekly spending money.

And luckily for JoePa, the football season's on a little break for the next few weeks, and he'll have time to invest that salary in some stuff going on this weekend.

The main event comes Friday night, when John Mellencamp plays the Bryce Jordan Center (see page 14).

Mellencamp's anthemic mantra of "This is our country" has gotten play in pretty much every commercial break of nearly every NFL game over the past two years, and JoePa seems the type to enjoy a real American rock songwriter. He'll be there with bells on for about 50 bucks.

The next night, he'll be back at the BJC with Evanescence taking the stage (page 21). "Call Me When You're Sober" is the football coaching staff's unofficial song this year, so JoePa should be well acquainted with the band.

I'm sure he'd throw down the $37.50 (plus service charge) for some good seats.

Saturday, he could head downtown to check out The Blind Boys of Alabama for $50. They can remind him of the glory days when Bear Bryant was roaming the Tuscaloosa sidelines.

On Tuesday, as a pick-me-up for this disappointment of a season, Joe can look to "Tomorrow" at Eisenhower Auditorium with the musical Annie (page 18).

Well worth the $44 admission for a man who needs something to look forward to.

Back in the '60s, there were these real up-and-comers called Grateful Dead that the more um ... relaxed of football players couldn't get enough of.

For 30 bucks, JoePa can chill out at The State Theatre with The Dead's most famous tribute band, Dark Star Orchestra.

JoePa was an English literature major at Brown University, so he must have had a thing for Billy Shakespeare.

That's perfect, because he can check out the bard's comedy As You Like It any day this week for $14 at Citizens Bank Theatre (page 19).

Altogether, if Joe feels like spending his week immersed in the State College arts scene, he's going to throw down about $230 for himself. Assuming he wants to bring along SuePa, that's $460.

And even after that, he's still got $5 left over for Jay Paterno's weekly allowance -- as long as he mows the lawn and does the dishes.