Bottom eight
Sully Torres is in but J-Roll spoils it with a single.
I thought John Smoltz would suck in the booth, but he is damn good as an analyst. He makes Joe Morgan look like a non-English speaker.
J-Roll decides to run but Kendall throws him out.
Well, we may have to end the live blog because the TV has been switched from the game to the vice-president debate.
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Top eight
Two runners on for the Brewers, we might have a ballgame. Charlie Manuel out to pull Ryan Madson.
JC Romero comes and gets Prince Fielder to break his bat and roll out to second.
7.5 done 5-2.
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Bottom seven
Eric Gagne comes in, we were trying to come up with something in French, but screw it.
Nice play by Hardy, from his knees, to get Pete Happy.
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Top seven
Hey! A hit! Hardy doubles and advances to third on a Hart flyout.
Now is Craig Counsell. Boo. Counsell slowly grounds to second, Hardy scores. 5-2 Phils.
What a boring game.
End 6.5 5-2 PHI
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Bottom six
Victorino is on fire, this time Mike Cameron lets another ball hit off his glove.
More trouble for the Brewers, runners on first and second, one out with Pat the Bat up but Burrell whiffs on a Seth McClung fastball.
McClung gets out of it by getting Werth to pop out to center.
Done with six, 5-1 again.
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Top six
Back from Panera where it must have been teen center night for the townies. Shockingly, the score remains 5-1. Brett Myers, still dominating.
Retires the side in order
Still 5-1.
Bottom four
We've seen commercials for anti-flaccidity pills, 401k, and we just saw a commercial for the Volcano Taco ad (laxative). It's clear that the target audience of the NLDS is over 65 years old.
Myers having another extended at-bat against Sabathia, pushing the count to 2-2. Sabathia looks frustrated, he should just drill Myers in the dome. Another foul ball. Holy hell, this is painful. Those towels are still stupid.
C.C. Sabathia sucks in the playoffs. He sucked with Cleveland last year and now he is making playoff baseball less interesting than an exhibition NBA game.
J-Roll doesn't hustle on the bases, Wible thought he should have had a triple. Billy Joe Manuel should pull him.
Former Pirate great Dale Sveum comes out to talk to Sabathia. C.C. stays in to face Utley, I'm sure this won't backfire.
Utley walks.
"C.C. you later," the ever-clever Brian Eller says.
Sabathia exits with the bases drunk.
I wish that Viagra would have collapsed like AIG and Lehman Brothers. Hopefully all Viagra users are former executives of said companies and lost all their money so that Viagra will no longer make money.
Ryan Howard up with the bases loaded. $20 he'll strike out.
I'm going to run and grab dinner so if you're looking for fifth inning play-by-play, I'm sure the Brewers will go 1-2-3.
Top four
Prince Fielder looks like his jersey isn't tucked in at all as he waddles down the first base line. Needless to say, he's out.
You know what are riveting? Pop-ups. Hardy pops out to Howard in foul territory. Like Prince said, this games bores me.
Sunglasses at night gets hit in the arm by Myers. Too bad Counsell is up.
Craig Counsell is awful at baseball.
Still 5-1.
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Bottom three
Victorino's grand slam was the first of his career.
Sabathia falls behind the youngest vice president in Dunder Mifflin history, 2-0, and of course Howard strikes out.
Jayson Werth hits his second straight double off of Sabathia but C.C. is able to get out of the jam by striking out Victorino on a 2-2 count.
More FrankTV ads. I think I'd rather have erectile dysfunction than see another FrankTV ad.
After three, it's still 5-1 Philadelphia.
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Top three
Cameron pops up to Utley on a 3-1 count, I wonder if the Brewers are giving up on the series.
Myers falls behind 3-1 before getting a generous high strike called on Durham. If you would have told me that Brett Myers would be out-pitching Sabathia, I'd laugh in your face and push you into oncoming traffic. Clearly, I am a moron as Myers whiffs Durham.
1-2-3 inning for Myers.
2.5 PHI 5 MIL 1
Bottom two
First Viagra commercial of the night. How desperate of an actor do you have to be to be in a Viagra commercial. If I saw this whoring tool on the street, I'd point and laugh and yell "THIS GUY HAS ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!"
The preseason hockey game that Ian and I watched on a Finnish TV pirate feed earlier today was more riveting than this baseball game so far.
Pat the Bat flies out to another fellow Thug U member -- TGJBAP Braun.
Jayson Werth looks like he enjoys Jager Bombs and hair gel, just sayin'.
Peter Happy drives in Werth with a double that was just fair. Phillies fans wave white towels around. Hmmm, very creative. 1-1.
Werth doubles and they cut to a shot of Charlie Manuel, who looks like he'd rather be at a NASCAR race. Perhaps Talladega.
Someone had to be a buzzkill in the office and turn down the sound. If I decided to complain, I'm sure the response would be something about working. But when they turn on the debate later, I'm going to turn the sound down. Take that.
Sabathia just walked Brett Myers. Pathetic. Here comes Mike Maddux and his porn stache.
C.C. Sabathia walked the bases loaded, I don't believe what I just saw.
Sorry for the delay, I had to get batteries so I could secretly turn up the TV. Hard to live-blog if you can't hear the TV.
Shane Victorino?
Shane Victorino?
He hit a grand slam. 5-1 Phillies.
Virginia Harrison, our sports editor, said that Chase Utley is the most attractive Philie. Funny, I thought it was Matt Stairs.
5-1 Phils after dos
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Top two
Senior citizen Craig Counsell leads off against Myers. Counsell hit .228 this year and has an incredibly stupid batting stance, so naturally he should be playing over Bill Hall. He strikes out swinging. When Counsell debuted in 1911 for the St. Louis Browns, check swings mustn't have counted for strikes.
Another offensive hole will likely make an out against Myers. Jason Kendall, whose biggest claim to fame is breaking his ankle on the Three Rivers Stadium turf. He hits it several steps in front of the warning track, where the announcer said "he hit it well." That is partially true, Nicole Richie has more power than Kendall.
Sabathia flies out. He still hit it better than Kendall.
1.5 done. Wisconsin 1, West New Jersey 0.
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Bottom One
Frank Caliendo sucks. That's all.
Cy Young takes the hill for the Brewers, we expect him to strike out 27 hitters and hit 6 home runs.
J-Roll grounds out to Hardy. Although this game is on TBS, hearing Harry Kalas call Rollins "J-Roll" is the dumbest and funniest thing I've ever heard.
Victorino up. Not only does he look like a child because he is about 4-foot-6, he wears a double-flapped batting helmet. You can be a big boy Shane and wear just one flap now. Is Larry David one of the color guys? It sounds just like him.
The Flying Hawaiian gets lucky that Brewers' manger Dale Sveum decided to place 38 year-old trash Craig Counsell at third as Victorino hits one off the third base bag. Billy Hall would have made that play. Victorino steals third. Did I mention that Jason Kendall is the Brewers' catcher. The same Jason Kendall who was traded by the Pirates. The same Jason Kendall who has hit nine home runs from 2004-present.
Jesus Sabathia gets Utley swinging, here comes Fire Guy.
C.C. Sabathia makes Walter Johnson look like a Mets reliever as he gets The Temp swinging on a sexy offspeed pitch.
Done with one, still 1-0 Miller Lites.
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Top First
All right, we're underway. We don't have the sound here in the office, so we can't make fun of John Smoltz and the other two anonymous blokes doing the game.
Lehigh Valley IronPig great Brett Myers starts out with a three-pitch strikeout to "tainted supplement" enthusiast Mike Cameron.
Consistency has always been Myers strongest point -- he follows Cameron by walking Ray Durham, to bring up Ryan Braun.
Now the cussing begins in the office, Brauns hits a ball halfway up the left field wall. Myers will walk the fattest vegetarian in the world, Prince Fielder.
Crowd looks packed again. Do Philadelphians have jobs? Or can you just take off work for mid and late afternoon baseball?
Look at Phillies beat reporters, Brett Myers is imploding. Going 3-0 on Hardy. Ball four. Durham scores. Phillies pitching coach Rich Dubee is making a visit in the first inning, I'm surprised Myers hasn't punched him out.
Myers gets lucky. Grounder back to him, goes to Ruiz, who completes the double play by throwing to the Temp.
1-0 Milwaukee after .5 innings.
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You are looking live at, uh, my bedroom.
Hello, this is Collegian sports copy editor Brendan Shorts and I'll be handling this baby tonight.
You did read right, I am in my bedroom in my West College Ave. estate. But we'll be switching locations shortly after I take my pre-game nap.
Anyway, philly.com has the lineups for this evening's matchup.
Milwaukee
1. Mike Cameron 8
2. Ray Durham 4
3. Ryan Braun 7
4. Prince Fielder 3
5. J.J. Hardy 6
6. Corey Hart 9
7. Craig Counsell 5
8. Jason Kendall 2
9. Cy Young Sabathia 1
Philadelphia
1. Jimmy Rollins 6
2. Shane Victorino 8
3. Chase Utley 4
4. The Temp 3
5. Pat Burrell 7
6. Jayson Werth 9
7. Pedro Feliz 5
8. Carlos Ruiz 2
9. Brett Myers 1
Watching the Rays-White Sox game right now makes me want to poke my eyes out. There's a water tank in right center field. Perhaps it contains devil rays. Despite the Rays leading, the former hockey arena that they play in is pretty silent, because the fans are bandwagoners.
The White Sox have A.J. Pierzynski has dyed his hair platinum blonde. Apparently it's 2000 again. Also, Juan Uribe has a blond goatee. It looks as though he acquired his facial hair in the same manner that Cartman acquired some, uh, hair in the Scott Tenorman Must Die episode.
We'll be back when the game starts.
