I love the French. Don't worry, though -- not in any kind of Biblical way or anything like that. I just love how they always manage to stand out in some ridiculous way even when united with the rest of the world in some common goal.
Stay with me, here. The Olympic torch is having a lot of trouble making its way across the world to China where the 2008 Olympic Games are to be held, thanks mostly to the persistence of ugly protesters bothering beautiful people. Sure, the protesters' motives seem pure -- the Chinese oppression of Tibet is a serious issue -- but why take it out on the torch?
I'll tell you exactly why: It creates an opportunity for the world to see French police on inline skates struggle with angry aggressors. Let me be clear: the French police are on inline skates. The last time I saw someone on inline skates, I was watching classic made-for-TV Disney film Brink!, which is undoubtedly the world's most underrated, Oscar-overlooked film ever.
But I don't mean to digress. Let's go back to French police on inline skates because I believe that I know what you're thinking: "I know how to evade the Roller-cops. You can just wait till the procession begins working uphill and then run right past the police as they needlessly strain their quadriceps to make it uphill on wheels."
Sorry, the French are two steps ahead of you. Desperate not to have a security force void of Roller-cops, the French also used officers on horseback, motorbikes, boats and, yes, the human foot. So I'm sure by now you can understand the obvious necessity of police on inline skates, who fill some capacity that the other police cannot. I'm not yet sure what that capacity is, but I'm not sleeping tonight until it hits me.
--Matt