"Hilton Tries to Help Drunken Elephants"
There's almost nothing more to say after reading such a headline. Sandwiched between news of the Pakistan president's emergency rule and Bush's veto of a domestic spending bill, this tasty morsel of breaking news jumped out to those of us on night desk. It was one of those headlines that made us roll our chairs over to one person's computer, stare blankly at the screen, and then burst out in laughter.
According to The Associated Press, Paris Hilton posted a comment highlighting the problem of binge-drinking elephants in India, who get drunk on farmers' homemade rice beer and then go berserk.
''The elephants get drunk all the time. It is becoming really dangerous. We need to stop making alcohol available to them,'' Hilton wrote.
However, late last night, the AP posted a correction.
Lori Berk, a publicist for Hilton, says she never made any comments about helping drunken elephants in India, according to the AP.
Regardless of the legitimacy of the story, hundreds of people are now aware of an issue no one ever knew existed.
Last month, six wild elephants that broke into a farm in the state of Meghalaya were electrocuted after drinking the potent brew and then uprooting an electricity pole.
Hilton allegedly made the comments while on a trip to Tokyo, where she is judging a beauty contest. Apparently, she is so busy that she has to postpone a promised charity trip to Rwanda, but can squeeze in a quick beauty pageant.
Conservationists have said they are excited about a celebrity endorsement of their cause, although they wish Hilton would actually visit India.
Since the story is no longer true, the rant that I was about to write is no longer valid. But I will write it anyway. Because Hilton may not support the cause to end drunken elephants, but I am sure that tomorrow she will be at some other random charity event in support of some cause she knows nothing about.
It's nice to hear that Hilton was able to stop drinking and flashing her nether regions long enough to talk about a cause. It's surprising she even knows that India even exists. And it is a shame that crazy elephants are storming through villages, potentially hurting residents. No one wants elephants or people to ever be harmed.
But of all the causes in the world, Hilton chose to put her name behind this one? Taken within context, she would rather write a post about binge-drinking elephants than travel to Africa where people are fighting starvation and disease. Maybe she saw a tragic picture of an elephant with liquor bottle in hand and thought to it would be a fun drinking buddy and wanted to get involved. Maybe she thought she could get some free alcohol with a celebrity gift bag like she gets at the many awards shows she randomly attends. Whatever the reason, her revamped "good girl" image still needs some work. She's on the right path, aka staying out of jail, but there are a few other causes she could be working for instead of the poor Indian elephants.