Howdy, folks. It's your friendly neighborhood copy desk here to give you witty commentary on the news.
What's a copy desk you ask? It's a group of Collegian staffers that read everything that goes in the paper everyday for grammar and other mistakes. We also write headlines and proof pages before they get sent to the presses.
Sometimes we're here until 1 a.m. (or later!) just to make sure you get your daily paper.
Because we read many articles everyday -- national, international, state, local and otherwise -- we know the lowdown on the news and are also always eager to offer our opinions. I, as the head of this here copy desk, will begin the semester with my own take on a recent story. So, without further ado, here goes:
Sex, scandal, lies and infidelity. No, this isn't the tag line for a new, racy prime time series -- this is Washington. And the plot just got thicker.
Senators from his own party are calling for an ethics committee review of Sen. Larry Craig, R-Idaho, who earlier this summer plead guilty to disorderly conduct related to a police sting in a men's bathroom.
The police maintain the senator's actions were consistent with an individual soliciting sexual conduct from another man. The arresting officer claimed Craig flashed his business card after being shown the officer's police identification, allegedly asking, "What do you think about that?" as if it would get him out of the situation. What's worse, the senator is now vehemently denying misconduct, claiming his earlier guilty plea was entered in hopes of "making it go away."
Well, honestly, Craig, who taught you ethics? Mark Foley?
Or maybe you just wanted to take a page out of the book of Sen. Ted Stevens, R-Alaska, who is under scrutiny for his relationship with a contractor who helped oversee a renovation project that more than doubled the size of the senator's home.
Or perhaps Sen. David Vitter, R-La., who acknowledged that his phone number appeared in records of a Washington-area business that prosecutors have said was a front for prostitution.
My burning question after hearing all this is not a plea for a little sexual repression from our boys on Capitol Hill. Rather, it is a query to the American people: Why do you keep electing gay Republican senators?
Seriously, I can think of many individuals that would better convey your Red State views, one of which ryhmes with "Schmantorum." But he was just too conservative for you, wasn't he? So you voted him out of office and all along you've been electing what I will now dub the "metropublican."
Much like the metrosexual, the metropublican claims to be straight and/or straight laced, while his actions clearly display otherwise. Instead of wearing popped collars and tight jeans (the senate frowns upon it), he asks for sex from strange men in bathroom stalls.
Make a decision, America! Which way do you want your representatives to swing? Because if you can't handle a black or female president, I doubt you'll be able to deal with a commander in chief who charges taxpayers to pay for his cabana boy.