I'll admit it -- I went out for State Patty's Day last year, and it was a pretty good time. I was only a sophomore and I have blurry, frenzied memories of a green-clad Beaver Canyon gone completely insane.

But this year, the magic just wasn't there. Despite it being my first fake holiday where I could go to the bars, I had visitors to attend to and the comfort of my apartment was just too much to venture out.

That means, of course, two nights of carefully engineering festivities in my apartment to meet the needs of a variety of people. I don't care what anyone says; being a hostess is hard work.

The first night wasn't as difficult, because it was more of a small gathering based around an unwillingness to brave the blizzard. All that was needed to appease the masses was a case of Lion's Head and the party staples of beer pong and Kings.

For those of you unfamiliar with Kings, I suggest a.) you play it before you graduate and b.) find a set of rules and stick with it.

Case in point: In a fit of disagreement, we had to turn to Wikipedia to set some sort of standard. How embarrassing.

The real story is in the next night, which you might say was a poster child for out of control-ness. Here are some do's and don'ts I discovered Saturday and from times past:

Do:
1.) Buy more beer than liquor. People will get less drunk, it's less expensive, and the real heavy drinkers (usually guys) prefer it anyway.
2.) Try to greet everyone. Don't be the jerk host that lets people come and go without acknowledgment.
3.) Keep yourself borderline tipsy at most. It's a lot harder to deal with problems and enjoy everyone if you're wasted.
4.) Throw people out if necessary. You won't come off as rude, and chances are they won't remember even if you do.
5.) Heartily encourage BYOB. Or you'll go broke.

Don't:
1.) Leave your own party. That's just bad form.
2.) Save the cleaning for the next day. Sneakily set the example by starting to clean up as the party thins. The best guests will follow suit, and you won't be swamped in the morning.
3.) Be a music control freak. Just let things happen naturally, man.
4.) Leave your good alcohol out for the masses. You will regret it and highly resent everyone.
5.) Forget to enjoy the unexpected things, such as friends climbing up onto your balcony or people showing up in funny hats. It's all fodder for memories.