My name is Lauren McCormack, and I am a Halloween addict.

Yes, I know it's September, and no, I don't just get dressed up in weird costumes randomly. Well, actually, um ... we'll talk about that another time.

My friend and I decided to take a day trip to Target on Friday to stock up and do whatever it is 19 year old girls do in Tar-jay. Naturally, amidst grocery shopping and shoe browsing, we went hunting for Halloween costumes.

Rocking the right costume is an art every nightlifer needs to master, especially those ladies out there. There is one easy costume that you honestly can't go that wrong with -- the "Mean Girls" route:

1. Throw a pair of cat/bunny/mouse ears over your perfectly tousled gorgeous waves of hair.
2. Attach a pair of "Nipple Petals" (they actually do exist, and yes, they actually do what they sound like they do). I saw them hanging neatly in rows at Target, begging for a Lil' Kim wannabe to come along and do them justice.

Image courtesy of EW.com

Unfortunately, I humbled myself and realized I honestly cannot pull this off, no matter how much I wish Diana Ross would feel me up at the MTV Video Music Awards.

So I moved on in search of a Halloween costume, certain that Target held all the answers to The Greatest Halloween Ever. I looked at ears. I mulled over a wench costume. I considered being a geisha. I thought about the possibility of going Keira Knightly on the State College nightlife and dressing myself up as a pirate.

No, no. Definitely not, and a negative on the pirate. So what's a girl to do?

Then, we found it -- or them, I should say.

Hanging very unassumingly on the racks next to bunny-printed pajamas and silk camisoles for old ladies (eww), we spotted them: fleece onesies, a la Ralphie in A Christmas Story. I myself was examining a skull-covered sleepshirt when my friend called to me, excitement in her voice. Glancing over, I was partially paralyzed by their uber-sexiness. I instantly knew my curves would be highlighted in the most flattering way in the fluorescent lime-green dinosaur printed one. Even better, I thought to myself. Not only will people want to see how bootylicious I am in footie pajamas, but they'll have to see! I'll glow in the dark!

Unfortunately, I got stuck with the red racecar ones after my friend claimed I-found-them-first privileges on the dinosaur ones, but I dealt with it.

I can say with confidence that trying on the onesie pajamas was the formulative experience of my 19 years: the way they only came up 3/4 of the way to my wrist, the gorgeouus plastic zipper than ran from my toes, across my thigh, to end at the top of my torso, giving me the possibility of going risque by not even zipping it up all the way. This. Was. It.

So, State College, amongst the Victoria's Secret Angels, the Playboy Bunnies, and the girls that will not be wearing clothes this Halloween, look out for Lauren and Cady -- rocking the onesie pajamas. JT thinks he brought sexy back? Well, from what my momma taught me, you need a receipt to bring anything back, including sexy. And on that receipt, for 12.99, you'll find CHILD'S FLEECE ONESIE. Daaaaaamn.

--Lauren