The world of ever-shifting media corporations, buyouts are more dramatic than a daily soap opera.
Million-dollar bids are made over mimosas and French toast, and corporations change hands faster than a newspaper with declining circulation.
There's sex, intrigue and illegitimate heirs. It's the media moguls and the restless. It's as the newpaper turns. It's the days of our media.
Just take at look at the key players:
Rupert Murdoch:
Owns: Supermarket tabloid Star, the majority of Australia, Bill O'Reilly
Murdoch has more money than God and laughs so hard he cries whenever someone calls Howard Stern "the king of all media." Were he to purchase Dow Jones, the owner of the Wall Street Journal, he would control the minds of every rich man in America.
Bancroft family: The three dozen adult members can't agree to relinquish control of their empire, The Dow Jones, for Murdoch's $5 billion offer. Their tentativeness in making the sale is reminiscent of 101 Dalmatians, when a poor couple refuses to sell its puppies for an exorbitant price. Good luck turning a profit on those puppies, Bancrofts.
Prominent shareholder: Christopher Bancroft, who speaks for the family and was last interviewed in Boston wearing a suit and a baseball cap with the words "Bite me" on it.
The plot:
While Murdoch attempts to acquire Bancrofts' Dow-pire, his preset deadline of 5 p.m. Monday has passed with no word from 30 or so Bancrofts or any of their 100 or so lawyers, advisers and hair and make-up artists. Murdoch has said that if he doesn't get the family support he requires, he might simply take his cash and "walk away for a while."
Tune in next week: Will Murdoch seek other avenues for world domination? Will the Bancroft family make a decision? Will dashing British newcomer Pearson steal Murdoch's thunder?