It was Ryan Curran's football fairytale.
On Sept. 4, he saw himself lining up in the tunnel at Beaver Stadium, suited up in navy and white, ready to race onto the field to the adoring and deafening roars of 107,000 fans.
"Just to be able to experience that, it's what every boy grows up dreaming," Curran said. "Or at least I did."
David Adewumi and Alphonso Newsuan had similar visions. The trio was among the 50 or so aspiring Penn State football players who attended open tryouts on Feb. 8 at Holuba Hall. They dreamed of standing among 120 Nittany Lions teammates when they kick off the 2010 football season against Youngstown State next fall.
But Curran, Adewumi and Newsuan -- and their fellow walk-on hopefuls -- saw their dreams turn to dust. All were trying to beat the odds of going from unrecruited to the rare exception, such as Deon Butler, a standout receiver who walked-on in 2004. But this year, there was no storybook ending. Penn State did not add any walk-ons from this winter's tryout, according to an athletic department official.
"Life is all about creating your own destiny," said Adewumi, the most philosophical of the threesome. "Penn State football just doesn't fit into the picture right now. So you have to be proud of the effort you put in, walk away knowing you did everything you could and get ready for what's next. But it's hard. It's definitely hard."
Hit hard by reality
Curran was practically at home when he walked into Holuba Hall for the tryout.
The aspiring linebacker, who for the past six months had been sneaking into Penn State's indoor facility to work out, was confident the moment he stepped on to the 80-yard artificial turf field. At 5-foot-11 and 210 pounds, he wore a skin-tight compression shirt, athletic sleeve around his head, eye black on his cheeks -- and a perpetual grin.
"Guys were probably thinking one of two things," Curran said. "Either I was intimidating, or I was a fool. Either way, I just wanted to show everyone that I meant business."
Curran strutted around the facility for much of the one-hour tryout. He didn't walk from station to station -- he sprinted. He didn't stand silently waiting for his turn at a drill -- he shmoozed with anyone around him. It was the swagger of a guy who had done this before, because he had.
The 2007 Solanco High School graduate, who spent two years playing for a semi-pro team in York, tried out for the team in fall semester. But this time, it was different. This time, he felt he had a strong chance.
"I was just in my element," Curran said. "I was meant to be there. I worked so hard in the past few months and I knew I could do this."
Curran's confidence and infallible attitude took a hit after he completed his first drill -- the 40-yard dash. An assistant coach called Curran over and pointed to the cloth sleeve wrapped across his forehead.
"He said, 'Son, we don't wear headgear here,' " Curran recalled. "And that kind of put me in my place. It was humbling."
But Curran kept up his intensity the rest of the tryout. And the self-assured junior felt good when he walked out of Holuba Hall that evening.
"I did as well as I could have done," Curran said. "I may not have ran my best time in the 40, but I personally feel like I was one of the best linebackers there."
One week later, Curran took another humbling hit, one that would keep him on the sidelines indefinitely. After contacting the football office a few times, he received an e-mail from a graduate assistant telling him the team did not take any players from the tryouts.
The news hit him hard. For the week following the tryout, football was all Curran could think about. He had a hard time focusing in class. Every time his phone rang or he received a text message, he would hold his breath hoping it was an unknown '814' number, a call from a Penn State coach bringing good news
"And when it was actually one of my friends or family, I would be disappointed," Curran said. "How sad is that?"
At first, he cried. Curran had a hard time comprehending the news -- he thought the team had openings at his position. But as days went on, Curran began to think about his future. This summer, he'll decide whether he wants to put himself through the emotional and exhausting process again and try out again in the fall. But for now, he's taking a breather.
"Penn State football is definitely one of the reasons why I came here," Curran said. "And it just works out that I go to a school with great academics. I'm going to focus on that for a little bit because that's what's important for me right now."
Holding on to hope
It only took seconds for Newsuan to fall in love with football again.
The 6-foot-2, 285-pound sophomore had been away from the sport for nearly two years. He hadn't suited up on a field since his senior year at Milton Hershey High School in 2008.
But when Newsuan walked into Holuba Hall for tryouts, the aspiring lineman saw guys running around, tossing around a ball and chatting loudly -- an energy and camaraderie he hadn't realized he missed.
"Man when I saw all those guys out there it was right away just like, 'Wow,' " Newsuan said. "I remembered how much fun high school was, and I got excited to feel that again. I wanted to feel that again."
So Newsuan -- who twice thought about trying out but never actually made it to Holuba Hall -- got the juices flowing throughout the one-hour tryout.
While he ran fast, he thinks he could have been faster. In drills, he worked hard, but wondered if it was enough.
"Maybe I could have trained more before, I don't know," Newsuan said. "I'll just have to wait and see."
It's been three weeks and Newsuan is still waiting. He hasn't heard anything from anybody in the football department, but he hasn't completely given up hope.
"It's nerve-wracking, because I haven't heard for certain," Newsuan said. "And I know the longer it goes without me hearing from them, it's not good. But I haven't heard a definite no."
As reality begins to settle in, Newsuan sees his dream only being deferred.
"I'm trying out again, for sure," he said. "Going to this tryout just gave me the confidence that I know I can do this. It also reminded me why I love football in the first place."
Moving on
For nearly three weeks since the tryout, Adewumi was also waiting for a call.
But the junior from State College soon came to grips it wasn't going to happen.
"After I hadn't heard from them in a couple days, I had a pretty good idea that I wasn't going to be on the team,'' Adewumi said. "So I had to accept that it was out of my control, just be pleased with my performance and come to peace with that. "
Penn State football wasn't an all-out obsession to Adewumi. He seems to be constantly moving from activity to activity -- from missionary work in Peru to a stint in the U.S. army to a college football tryout in February.
Yet football had always been a passion, and he took this tryout seriously. He wore a black long-sleeve shirt, black leggings and a stoic expression. And the next morning, just 14 hours after tryouts ended, Aduwemi was back at Rec Hall, going through his regular training regimen.
Adewumi, who grew up just miles from Beaver Stadium, said he feels it is his destiny to be at Penn State and contribute to the university. And if it's not through football, then he'll find something else. He has already become an officer in his fraternity and is planning on getting involved in student government. And though he doesn't exactly know what's next -- "I still need some time to explore my options," he said -- Adewumi does know where he will be on the first Saturday in September.
"I will absolutely be at the football games with my buddies cheering on the team," he said. "Hopefully in the front row."
