Always eager to prove cynics wrong, Hollywood shows once again that it can, in fact, always get worse.
"Legion," a film by Scott Stewart, opened last Friday. It is a story of the supernatural, faith and the unexplained.
In the film, God has lost faith in humanity and has sent his angels to kill everyone. The legendary archangel Michael (Paul Bettany) defies God's will, much like Lucifer did in the Book of Genesis, and decides to go help humanity.
Enter Jeep (Lucas Black), the closest thing this movie has to a protagonist, and his unrequited love of Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), a woman he lives with but who is pregnant with someone else's child. They live with two other laughably hard-talking men in the middle of the New Mexico desert.
When Michael meets up with them and some other lost souls, he tells them all that Charlie's child will be the savior of all humanity. They then fend off hordes of angel-possessed civilians to kill two hours of the audience's lives.
Aside from the jaw-droppingly-ridiculous plot, every single character spouts constant profane dialogue. It sounds like poorly written Bible fan-fiction.
Then there are the plot holes. Never mind that nobody cares how or why Charlie's baby is the next Jesus Christ. Every character is ready to accept Michael and his ideas despite his trunk-full of assault rifles and submachine guns. They don't ask questions.
Another issue is Michael's constant reminder to those around him that he "loves" humans. The problem with this is that he makes his entrance into the movie by indiscriminately murdering people, one being a member of the LAPD.
Still another problem is the question of why God decides to send an army of angels onto Earth to do his dirty work when he could so much more easily wipe the species clean with another flood, series of plagues or some other horrible catastrophe. Why attempt traditional genocide when you could just blow up reality and start over again?
Combining these -- and more -- plot holes with the poor acting and atrocious dialogue makes for one absolutely awful movie experience. It is mind-blowing that someone thought making this movie would be a good idea.
But whoever it was, may God have mercy on their soul.
Grade: F
