Romance novels tend to have romance in them, but this element is nowhere to be found in Heather Graham's new book, "Home in Time for Christmas."

In fact, her biggest accomplishment is writing an entire book about a relationship that isn't compelling on any level, neither romantically nor sexually.

Graham's characters never act more mature than 12-year-olds, which doesn't leave the reader with very much. There's no psychological depth in this book. There's hardly any character development. There's barely any plot. Simply said, the book is preposterous.

Its premise is this: Melody Tarleton hits a mysterious man, Jake Mallory, with her car. Jake, whose body is "composed of pure muscle," is a patriot from the Revolutionary War who was somehow transported into the future. Although Melody is involved with a man named Mark, within a matter of a few days, she falls in love with Jake, who spends half the novel trying to convince her that he is, in fact, from the year 1776.

Everything about this book is over the top. Not only is Melody's mother an aspiring witch, but her father is also a sort of mad scientist. The family lives conveniently down the road from a medieval castle, the romantic locale where Melody first kisses Jake after 180 uneventful pages. During the novel, the family discovers that the secret to teleporting people back and forth through time, of course, is the use of red rose petals, which works because a black hole exists in their backyard.

This would all be great if this book were joking. But it isn't.

Graham slaps on dialogue that muses endlessly and immaturely on religious tolerance and faith. Despite hammering home this theme, she writes nothing profound. Everything about the book is superficial.

It doesn't even work as a good romantic escape. Those looking for interesting chemistry won't find it, and those looking for a love story will find it bogged down in meandering dialogue and juvenile observations that are painful to read.

The book's only redeeming quality is that it's possible to read -- the book has a beginning, a middle and an end, and it fits together coherently. It also has a happy ending, if that counts.

Other than that, this novel just doesn't work. Unless readers enjoy a frustrating story about adults in a middle-school relationship, the book isn't worth the effort.

Grade: D-