Tila Tequila, Pauly Shore and Dustin Diamond: What do they have in common?

If you've been paying attention to State College nightlife the past two weekends, you'd have a good idea. Besides the fact that these three celebrities' 15 minutes of fame should have been up a long time ago, they were also the top billing on three separate occasions for The Cell Block, 420 E. College Ave.: Aug. 28, Sept. 3 and Sept. 4, respectively.

During the first few weeks of school -- when students might party their hardest -- these three people were whom the Cell Block -- the only 3-story venue in State College -- decided to go with as their primary sources of entertainment.

Now before I get going here, I'd like to preface this by saying I've never had a problem with the Cell Block in my years living in this town. I've been there once, decided it wasn't my cup of tea and went along with my life, not passing judgment on those who are into that type of scene. Different strokes for different folks.

But Tila Tequila, Pauly Shore and Screech changed all that and forced me to ask myself, "Who exactly is the Cell Block pandering to?"

So, Cell Block, who are you pandering to? You've got a three-story venue at your disposal, and this is how you decide to use it? Reality stars, horrible comedians and Screech?

I really doubt this is all the Cell Block is capable of. Regardless of your feelings on nightclubs, the Cell Block is a great venue and has the potential to host some great entertainment. With the upstairs availability, 18+ shows would be more practical, allowing 21-and-over to drink upstairs while the youngins can dance around on the floor.

Anyone who's been to a show at the Electric Factory in Philadelphia or Mr. Smalls in Pittsburgh knows that this system works. But it certainly wouldn't work if every week they were billing some washed-up nobody.

Look, I'm not a complete curmudgeon. I can appreciate a good nostalgia trip if it's offered to me. I've seen Bio-Dome, I wouldn't mind sharing a beer with Pauly Shore and talking about his experience working with a Baldwin.

My problem stems from the fact that the Cell Block advertises as and, I would assume, prides itself on being the only three-story venue in State College, yet it seems to be the only venue in this town that is continually striving for mediocrity and cheap, gaudy and underwhelming entertainment.

This isn't a personal vendetta. I'm not saying the Cell Block should start booking bands that I like. This isn't even a matter of music, specifically. This is just a matter of good, quality entertainment, which the Cell Block seems not to have a grasp on.

I'm sure that having Screech, Tequila and Shore as guests was a cheap move financially speaking, and I'm sure the Cell Block saw a good return those nights. But in this case, it's good business at the risk of being known as a celebrity graveyard on College Avenue.

I will say this much for the State College Cell Block: At least it isn't as bad as the Williamsport Cell Block, which boasts a Naughty School Girl Night, Sexiest Ass Contest and Wet T-Shirt contest all in the same month.

But for all I know, that may be the direction that our Cell Block is heading. If that's the case, then just know, Cell Block, that you left self-respecting college students with discernible taste out in the cold. I'd ask, "How would you sleep at night?" but I'm sure at that point you'll be so far gone you won't even notice.