Julia Kasdorf never reads her journals after she writes them.
But Wednesday night, 17 years after she wrote them, she unearthed her journals documenting her stay at Yaddo, a famously competitive artists' retreat that has housed such creative figures as John Cheever, Truman Capote and Sylvia Plath.
Housing artists since 1926, Yaddo was founded by Spencer Trask and his wife, Katrina, after their four children died. Katrina envisioned generations of artists walking the lawns and forests of the 400-acre estate, "creating, creating, creating."
Many believe the mansion is haunted by ghosts of the Trask family and it is said Edgar Allan Poe wrote "The Raven" on Yaddo's grounds before the mansion was built.
"My memory of it was that it was so dark," Kasdorf, associate professor of English and women's studies, said. "It seemed to make people crazy."
About 45 people attended the gallery talk, which highlighted the exhibit on display in the Special Collections area of the Paterno Library. Called "Life at Yaddo: Glimpses from Penn State," it features typewritten letters evoking the nature of life on Yaddo's 400-acre estate, located in Saratoga Springs, N.Y.
Kasdorf read the journal she kept throughout her stay in 1992, as well as a poem that she began writing during that time, called "First Gestures." The drafts of that poem and photos of her experience are on display inside the exhibit's glass cases.
Much of what she wrote went on to become part of her book of poetry, Eve's Striptease, though at the time, Yaddo's Victorian-style mansion was more intimidating than inspiring for her.
The exhibit, open since July 23, will remain on display until Sept. 7.
Richard Parker, an associate professor of English emeritus at Lock Haven University, attended the event. He said Kasdorf's talk captured the "flavor" of Yaddo.
"She let us feel how intimidating it could be for the new person who's suddenly surrounded by such creative luminaries," he said.
On one of her last days at Yaddo, she wrote in her diary, "I will remember the view from this window, and break my heart a little bit more."
