When I sat down to listen to and review Chinese Democracy, Guns N' Roses' obscenely long-awaited new album, I promised myself I was going to shut out all of the background noise and controversy that has surrounded the recording, touring and release of the album and simply focus on the music.

That means mentioning the fact Axl Rose disappeared for two months leading up to the release was out of the question. Same with the album's current ban in China because of lyrics Internet users in China say aim to "grasp and control the world using democracy as a pawn."

And that Dr. Pepper scheme in which the company was to give a free can of soda to every American if GNR put the album out by year's end, only to have it fall to pieces and be blamed for "ruining" the album's release by Rose's lawyer? That was surely something I wanted to ignore.

Unfortunately, sometime in the first three minutes of the opening track, I entered into some sort of dream-like time warp back in 1998 when I was in the midst of a Limp Bizkit phase and Roses was just getting started on Democracy.

It was like listening to one of those late-'90s rap-metal radio stations, except everything blurred together and all of Rose's antics were perfect complements to the music. Everything, music or otherwise, traced back to the dreadlocked crooner's infamous insecurity and sort of made sense.

But like any dream, there were some unexpected twists, for better or worse.

No, Democracy isn't just a nu-metal circus. There's Esteban-esque acoustic guitar paired with hip-hop beats in "If The World," disgusting industrial guitar tones in "Shackler's Revenge" (which debuted gracefully in Rock Band 2) and a bizarre mix of a Dennis Wilson piano ballad and that Dracula puppet musical from Forgetting Sarah Marshall in "This I Love."

For the most part though, Roses' main influences are picked from a pool of Korn, Creed and less prolific gems like Powerman 5000 and Methods of Mayhem.

The 46-year-old Rose's voice lurches through the painstakingly long 71-minute album in a variety of shades. He's got the boozy Bowie baritone, the growly drunkard's scowl and the stadium-worthy screeching from his '80s heyday. More often than not, they show up all in the same song, making the vocal tracks in each song seem as if they were seven years, 10 studios, 30 takes and 20 recording engineers apart.

Lyrics aren't even necessary for the most part -- the song titles ("There Was a Time," "Prostitute," "Scraped," "I.R.S.," etc.) are a solid indication as to what's been on Rose's mind over the past 15 years, but the ones that emerge from his various voices in the album further add to the nonsensical nature of his music and habits.

Lines like "If there's one thing I can make of this, or anything at all/It'd be the devil hates a loser and you thought you had it all" and "Gonna make this a federal case/Gonna wave it right down in your face/Read it baby with your morning news/With a sweet hangover and the headlines too now" sort of work over the consistently chugging power chord. But more often than not they simply refuse to make sense, and not even in any poetic sort of way.

The musicians on the album, about 20 in all, include lead guitarists Robin Finck, Buckethead and Bumblefoot (Barnaclehat and Bunnyface must've been busy), former Replacements bassist Tommy Stinson and drummer Bryan "Brian" Mantia.

While there is some talent incorporated into the mix, the hundreds of overdubs, loops and rotten Pro Tools effects transform the rhythm sections into soggy blobs of metal. It is something of a riot, though, to hear the lead wailers try to ape Slash with the help of a handful of modern effects pedals.

It's fun hearing Rose's ode to the golden days of cocaine, cigarettes and broken glass in "There Was a Time," the shrieking a cappella intro from hell in "Scraped," a horde of unnecessary Martin Luther King Jr. samples, and The Catcher in the Rye references in, um, "Catcher in the Rye." I could go on, but it could spoil it for anyone daring to dive into Democracy.

So it is somewhat unfortunate, I suppose, that this album is not quite the epic masterpiece or mammoth disaster everyone expected it to be. But as Chinese Democracy ended and my mind returned to the present day, all the news the tabloids and music rags have been spewing about the "band" -- feuds with Dr. Pepper and Tommy Hilfiger, possible Botox injections, botched tours -- now reassuringly had the appropriate soundtrack.

Grade: D

Sounds Like: Powerman 5000, Korn

Download: "Shackler's Revenge"