College students think they can jump from "flower to flower" and experiment with different sexual partners, Denise Hinds-Zaami said.
Hinds-Zaami, diversity advocate at Penn State and counselor for the Multicultural Resource Center, acted as a facilitator and offered her expert opinion at the "Hands in the Cookie Jar: Infidelity on campus, the vicious cycle," event Thursday night.
"Sometimes they feel guilty and tell you, sometimes you'll get a little gift like an STD," Hinds-Zaami said about ways to find out if a partner is cheating.
About 100 people attended the presentation, which was hosted by Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc.
Vice President of Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc. Will Dennis (senior-energy, business and finance) began with a disclaimer, saying this is not JuicyCampus and that the audience should not be "airing out" their specific problems.
He defined infidelity and said the part that sticks out most in his mind is "agreed upon rules and boundaries."
The program touched on various aspects of cheating, including its definition, boundaries, misconceptions between genders and more.
Three aspects of cheating were mentioned: emotional cheating, physical cheating and social cheating. Dennis defined emotional cheating as "visual disrespect," such as roaming eyes, and "best kept secrets," which is not telling your mate everything. Physical cheating is any physical touching or intercourse, Dennis said.
Social cheating refers to "talking to the opposite sex during weird times of the night," Dennis said. This particular subject sparked a lot of discussion in the audience about friends of the opposite sex. Lindsay Hayes (freshman-marketing) said she didn't understand why a friendship should have to be discontinued if a person begins a romantic relationship.
"If we're friends with someone before the relationship, why do we gotta give them up?" Hayes asked.
An audience member replied, saying some respect must be established when in a committed relationship.
Dennis asked the men: "Why do men cheat?" And for the first time during the presentation, everyone was quiet. Hayes spoke up again, saying, "that's what relationships are, men wait to hear what women have to say first before they talk."
When Dennis asked women "why do women cheat?" several women in the audience shared answers that ranged from emotional reasons to someone saying, "I just want to get mine before you get yours."
Kenneth Younger (senior-integrative arts) brought up a question the crowd hadn't touched on yet: "Why cheat?" The audience returned to its quiet state.
The program ended with some campus statistics the fraternity gathered via surveys, one of which stated that if a person could cheat and not get caught, 45 percent of men and 14 percent of women said they would. Fifty-two percent of men and 43 percent of women admitted to having cheated, according to the survey.
The final question posed to the crowd was: "If you were dating someone for two years and seven months and you found out they cheated on you, would you forgive them?" Answers to this question varied with some audience members saying it depends on the situation and some saying they would end the relationship right there.
Cameron Clay (junior-sports journalism) spoke up on his thoughts about the situation.
"Either way, you lied to me, so deuces, I gotta roll," he said.
This was the first time Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc. held this event, said Mike Capehart, program manager for Phi Beta Sigma Fraternity Inc.
"Infidelity is relevant to every generation," Capehart (junior-health policy administration) said. "The topic of sex is so loose and a lot of people take advantage of other people. It's important to talk about it and for everyone to communicate so people know the boundaries."
