Dearest readers, the time has come for me to make a difficult, but necessary decision.
This week, in light of the ghastly economic downturn, I have decided to suspend my column and travel to Washington to lend a hand.
Not buying it? OK, you caught me. I know my weekly ramblings are too important to just abandon when the going gets rough -- it's not like I'm doing something trivial here, like running for the highest office in the land.
But if I got the chance to run for president, I'd have been right there on the Senate floor, lobbying like my hero, John McCain, for a government bailout worth less than my seven houses. I wouldn't let stupid stuff like a scheduled presidential debate stand in my way, either. This country needs a self-sacrificing leader, and if I were in McCain's position, that's what I'd undoubtedly be.
Even if the deal negotiators in Washington told me to stay away, I wouldn't let Senate procedure stop me from appearing to put "country first." Even if I did absolutely nothing to help construct a bailout plan, I would be doing something infinitely more important -- helping my campaign.
Because when bothersome facts such as my aide's link to Freddie Mac come to light, the American people deserve to be distracted by political grandstanding.
After all, since we can't keep Sarah Palin from dodging every interview, it pays to have an ace in the hole that makes one look responsible while doing the opposite.
Sure, some people have criticized McCain for trying to duck out of a debate about his strongest issue, foreign policy, but those people are missing the point. McCain is so qualified to be commander-in-chief that he doesn't need to explain it to you at all -- hence the smirking during Friday's debate.
In fact, I think America needs to learn to truly put country first by putting McCain first as well. Through the transitive property, you'd really be putting blind, unquestioning support in our nation. And that's always worked out perfectly, right?
Naysayers will try to convince you that McCain's rush to Washington last week was a tiny band-aid on the gaping wound that is right-wing financial deregulation. But really, we haven't given Reganomics enough decades to truly work.
As George W. Bush once wisely said, we need to stay the course.
Last week's temporary campaign suspension was a golden example of everything that presidential politics should be. It put the spotlight on a man simply for appearing to have good intentions and took attention away from a running mate, who, like most women, is just there to look pretty.
This race needs to be about the personalities, not the issues. As McCain's own aides point out, newspapers lie, so voters should turn to YouTube videos and the blogosphere to learn about candidates and their foibles. Also, the less fact-checking, the better.
Moreover, we must demand that candidates for every office be willing to put their campaigns on hold to lend a hand whether the country needs it or not. Next time a hurricane hits the Gulf Coast, I want angry letters sent to every member of Congress not holding a bucket.
Show Barack Obama we don't care about his "debate" and fancy "plan for change." Vote for the maverick with more frequent flyer miles and you'll truly be putting McCain, I mean, country, first.
Leslie Small is a senior majoring in journalism and political science and is The Daily Collegian's Tuesday columnist. Her e-mail address is lcs5020@psu.edu.
