It has sadly come to my attention that we college students, a far cry from the mat-bearing kindergartners we once were, are no longer giving sleep the respect it deserves.
It's decidedly trendy for undergrads to survive on a Spartan four hours and to wear all-nighters spent studying like a badge.
Lethargy is unbecoming, but the greatest injustice lies here: We are shunning the basic (and necessary) human function that is sleep. And I, as an aficionado of sorts, would like to rectify that.
Aside from Guitar Hero and excessive alcohol consumption, we seem to have three main priorities: to earn a golden GPA, to be attractive and desirable and to land a good-looking member of the opposite sex. Not one of these goals is achievable without adequate sleep.
A study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania found that by missing out on only two of the necessary nine hours of sleep, you've already made making the Dean's list that much more improbable. That means impaired learning, greater vulnerability to stress and an inability to carry out complex tasks.
After a night without sleep, students did 40 percent worse memorizing lists of words than they had on nights with adequate sleep -- that's four letter grades. So, pull an all-nighter if you must, but there goes that stellar GPA. And that scratches off priority No. 1.
Which leads us to priority two -- the need to look hot. Our genetic hardwiring has made sure that everything we do is because of our inherent longing for desirability -- cologne, fashion and cardio routines included.
According to a 60 Minutes report, missing sleep leads to weight gain, negative self-image and stress, which has side effects such as the skin conditions Rosacea and acne. Sleep-deprived test subjects also show an eyebrow-raising deficit of the hormone Leptin, which we need to signal the brain to stop eating, 60 Minutes reported. This increase in hunger may be a factor in the national obesity epidemic.
Other studies show that dreams are an integral part in positive self-image and self-identity development. If that isn't enough, the sleep-deprived also show irrationality and moodiness. Chubby, more annoying and less self-secure? Say bye-bye to priority two.
Squashing any possibility of priority two has simultaneously destroyed any minute possibility of priority three ever happening -- getting with an attractive member of the opposite sex. Even if, in your despondent and butterball state, you were to by chance hook an attractive one, science has made it decidedly harder to reel them in.
Sleep deprivation causes excess strain on the mind and body, including your sex drive. One-fourth of respondents in a recent CBS survey reported that a sexual relationship of theirs had been hurt because their partner had been too sleepy.
Getting less sleep also causes testosterone levels to plummet, resulting in erectile dysfunction, according to a 60 Minutes interview with Jon Pryor, a professor of urologic surgery at the University of Minnesota.
So, you'll be getting less, and might even be too tired to care. Scared yet?
We've sentenced ourselves to what multiple studies say are problems in social relationships, difficulty handling stress, anxiety, depression and trouble with school -- issues that we already struggle with.
I'm tired of excuses -- pun intended. It's time to get off Facebook and get into bed. It's time to give sleep the respect it deserves -- out of merit and out of necessity.
