On Saturday, I stepped from my apartment and saw minions of screaming people wearing funky hats and drinking from sunup to sundown, just like true Irishmen. Right?
Not quite.
Last year, I studied at a Dublin university, and yes, they drink a lot of beer. Every city block contained two pubs, and in between classes, students could drink at three campus bars. (This blew my mind. Imagine what would happen if Penn State sold pints at the HUB-Robeson Center.)
But the Irish don't drink just because they're a bunch of fun lads and lasses; alcohol consumption comes from the need to drink away their sorrows.
In Ireland, agriculture serves as the primary industry (there's 4.2 million sheep in the country and 4.1 million people), and the temperature stays between 40 and 70 degrees Fahrenheit all year, with heavy wind along the coasts, and it rains a lot.
For these people, the pub provides an opportunity for singing, socialization and a respite from a bunch of sheep in a chilly, rainy climate.
In addition, the British (who are traditionally Protestant) took control of the island in the late 1600s and created hell for the Irish (who are traditionally Catholic) by stripping their rights to vote, buy land, practice their religion and speak Gaelic.
They even banned Irish sports, like Gaelic football (this weird combination of soccer and rugby) and a similar game called hurling that involves batting balls with sticks.
This holiday also celebrates a British saint. In the late fourth century, he came to Ireland and baptized pagans in wells to convert them to Christianity. On his March 17 feast day, people are supposed to pray for worldwide missionaries, according to st-patricks-day.com.
According to lore, St. Patrick also taught pagans that God consists of a father, son and Holy Spirit using the leaves of the shamrock, adding that the green plant possesses symbolism similar to the cross.
During their occupation of Dear Old Erin's Isle, the British also imposed many customs on the Irish, so if you ran around yelling "brilliant" and "cheers" on State Patty's Day, you weren't being Irish. You were acting British.
The same goes for singing that "the pipes, the pipes are calling." A British lawyer named Frederick Weatherley wrote the lyrics to "Danny Boy" in 1910, according to a book by Malachy McCourt.
Because of this, the Irish are struggling to regain their national identity. Last St. Patrick's Day, Dublin held a multicultural parade with music and dancing from all parts of the world.
Maybe I'm missing something, but the theme of St. Patrick's Day festivities should really be Ireland.
Even if you killed part of your liver on State Patty's Day, you'll get another chance to check out Irish culture on the traditional March 17, or on March 15 (the Catholic Church moved it because of Holy Week).
On either day, take the time to explore parts of Irish cultures that don't involve hangovers.
Start by eating Irish food, like corned beef, bacon and cabbage, stew made with mutton or black and white pudding, which is sausage made from congealed blood. I promise that it tastes better than it sounds.
Then, turn on U2 (hey, it's an Irish band), and if you want to learn more about Irish history, watch the music video for U2's "Bloody Sunday" on YouTube.com. While there, also search for clips of people playing Gaelic football and hurling.
To top off the day, read some passages of Jonathon Swift, James Joyce, Oscar Wilde and William Butler Yeats. For something more modern, check out Frank McCourt or Nuala O'Faolin.
Also stop for a minute and say a prayer for the world's missionaries.
But most importantly, when raising a pint of Guinness or a shot of Jameson whiskey, look your drinking partner in the eye (not doing this results in seven years of bad sex), clink your glass and say "Sláinte" (pronounced slaw-intche) -- Gaelic for cheers.
Beannachtaí na Féile Pádraig, Penn State.
