I've never been to Boston.
I think I know just enough to make an educated assumption about whether I would enjoy it.
Roughly translated? I saw Fever Pitch this week on FX. Twice. Happy ending both times.
Boston seems like a lovely place to kick it. It's got culture, history and a happening sports scene, especially lately.
I'm 21 years old, so I'm far beyond changing sporting loyalties. For me, it's nothing but Pittsburgh or Penn State. But right now, it's awfully enticing to attempt the impossible: Imbibe enough Sam Adams to wipe the upstairs slate clean and start anew, as a Boston boy.
It's not that I don't love every bit of black and gold in me. Five Super Bowl rings, two Stanley Cups and 15 straight losing seasons hold a very special place near and dear to my heart.
The truth is, right now, who wouldn't want to be a Boston fan? Beantown has everything.
The Red Sox are World Series champs for the second time in four years after what seemed like a clerical vow of series celibacy.
Boston College is holding steady at No. 2 in the country. It's the highest ranking in 65 years and highest interest level in, well, ever.
The Celtics somehow managed to wheel and deal for both big man Kevin Garnett and sniper Ray Allen. Paul Pierce suddenly realized basketball's played five-on-five.
The Bruins have even quietly started the year a few games above .500 after being picked to finish in the Eastern Conference basement.
And, of course, there's a bully on the block. They're like the beast to the proverbial Sandlot. That's right; the New England Patriots are the NFL's Goliath. Everyone else is like David, on crutches.
See? Boston has everything.
How glorious does Fenway Park look in October? Cold dogs, flat beers and Neil Diamond?
Even the players get into it. There can't be a clubhouse in baseball that's more fun.
Anywhere you can get away with a goatee like Kevin Youkilis's "chewing on roadkill" look can't be anything short of a sweet hangout.
Manny Ramirez, cementing my faith in the casual atmosphere, hasn't cut his dreads since before the '04 championship. I think I saw Will Smith ice his blonde twin in Bad Boys II.
Oh, and the Sox? They win. That helps.
The boys of the Boston Garden haven't won a thing since Larry Bird. A motivated Kevin Garnett, flanked by a healthy Ray Allen and Paul Pierce's newfound passing abilities, shouldn't spell anything less than a conference finals appearance. How long ago does Boston crying over losing Greg Oden in the draft lottery seem like?
Of course, the Northeast news story that's flashing everywhere is Bill Belichick and his pulverizing Patriots. Like the Celtics, they spent the off-season stockpiling talent to surround Tom Brady, and so far, it's panned out pretty well.The defense is a typical stifling Patriot defense. Randy Moss, after a couple years of mediocrity in Oakland, looks like the second coming of well, Randy Moss. Tom Brady even called him an excellent teammate. The "who would you rather have, T.O. or Moss?" debate's pretty worthless now.
But none of that matters without Mr. GQ. Brady's won three Super Bowls in six years as a starter. He has 30 touchdown passes in 8 games, on pace to easily shatter Peyton Manning's single-season record 49. He just had his first kid with actress Bridget Moynahan. That kid's going to be athletic. And hot. Really hot. Boy or girl.
Currently, I hate the Patriots. Like Ohio State coach Jim Tressel, Bill Belichick needs to figure out what the hell happened to his sleeves. I can't stand that the Red Sox have turned into the Yankees, buying all their talent.
But right now, I just can't help wishing I was from Boston. Jimmy Fallon and Curt Schilling got their happy endings. I'm jealous and can't take it anymore.
Time to watch The Departed.
Ryan Smith is a senior majoring in journalism and is a columnist for The Daily Collegian. His e-mail is rss5007@psu.edu.
