If there's one thing I can't stand, it's cheaters. Go ahead, cheat in monopoly or on your midterm, but don't cheat on your significant other.
According to Reuters, over the weekend, a Chinese woman used a rat-poison laced kiss to kill her cheating husband. Granted, he was only "talking" to another woman, that steamy conversation was probably grounds for severe punishment.
Maybe all cheaters don't deserve to die, but they do deserve a hearty herpes outbreak.
Unfortunately, these days it's hard to find a loyal partner. According to a recent study at the University of Tennessee, 21-percent of students who admitted to participating in casual sex were in a relationship at the time.
If you're not happy with your current relationship, here's a thought: break up before things get messy. Don't drag it out until he or she discovers your slimy text messages.
Guys: Calling, texting, instant messaging or making contact with any mildly attractive member of the opposite sex is simply unacceptable. I can guarantee, she's checking your message history and your recent call list as soon as you leave the room.
Some women are insecure and paranoid, and you're only going to make things worse by being shady. For as much as we toss around the word "shady," you guys deserve it. Put away your phone and pay attention to the person sitting next to you.
Girls aren't off the hook either. A "girls' night out" is not a free pass to get wasted and dry hump everything in sight. This is why so many guys don't like when their girlfriends get drunk: they lose all inhibition.
When it comes to cheating under the influence, it's a good thing that males often suffer from the inability to perform sexually.
Here's a tip for those of you who are still carrying on a long distance relationship with your high school sweetheart: Give it up already. By spring semester, one of you will be cheating. If you disagree with that statement, guess who's getting screwed? You--figuratively. Your high school flame--literally. If you're that serious about your soul mate, transfer now. I'm sure you will by next year anyway.
There also seems to be a common misconception that if you are in another country (holla back spring breakers), it's not cheating. Maybe if you're on another planet and a hot alien wants to have sex with you, you can partake for experimental reasons, but this scenario only applies to people like John Glen. (Somehow, I don't think he's reading this.)
Since it is so incredibly difficult to go on vacation without cheating, either take your significant other with you or leave the condoms and lube at home. The temptation to "keep your options open" while dating someone is certainly hard to overcome. You never know when things will turn sour and that little nugget on the side will come in handy.
If you never commit, however, you will die alone, which is what you deserve. For some of us, it's hard enough to find one dateable person in this town, and you're leading on three or four. Stop being greedy, and pick one. If you've already cheated, you might as well tell your partner before one of your roommates does. Hopefully, they will dump you and break your heart, although this is probably impossible since you obviously didn't have one to begin with.
Everyone makes mistakes, but nothing compares to infidelity. I'm pretty sure keeping it in your pants when you have a partner is one of the Ten Commandments, right up there with refraining from stealing and killing people. Committing such a severe crime of passion will undoubtedly have its consequences.
Save yourself a trip to the clinic, cheaters.Get your crabs from Red Lobster -- not the little strumpet you've been eyeing up in math class.
Mary Kanaskie is a senior majoring in advertising and psychology and is a columnist for The Daily Collegian. Her e-mail is mlk5006@psu.edu.
