You've changed, man. You used to be cool. We could always count on you to let out a big fart during that awkward silence or when tensions were high. You were always that dude who made sure we had everything together for the parties on Friday night.

Sure, Kings of Leon, you never showered or shaved and you rarely brushed your long hair, but we liked that about you. We always knew things would be that way, and we'd gotten comfortable with that.

But then you had to go and get a little popular. Oh wow, these guys are completely free of pretense; they rock like bands are supposed to rock! You were on commercials, you had "Molly's Chambers" stuck in the heads of everyone who'd heard it. Now you've got this big arena rock album, Because of the Times. You're gonna be huge, dude.

But bro, now you shower daily and you got a haircut. You occasionally change your jeans. You hold back your hilarious flatulence when we need it most, and now our parties are painfully unplanned. I guess you have your crap more in line now, but still ... you've changed, Kings of Leon. You used to be so cool.

You guys, you just don't get it. Your first few albums were cool enough. Sure, you were kind of sloppy and a little reckless, but we liked things that way. You had energy. Now that seductive wench you call "production values" has taken all that away from us.

But the saddest thing about Because of the Times is that you still haven't improved your songwriting. Sure, you polished everything up all nice, but Caleb, dude, you sound like you're singing from a well. Face it, you guys just aren't that cool anymore. To be honest, we liked you better when you were worse.

And about that whole U2-ish arena rock thing -- southern rock and U2 are two things that should never mix. But it sounds like that wench you've been hanging with has you listening to The Unforgettable Fire or something, which totally isn't even one of U2's top five albums. In fact, it pretty much sucks aside from a couple songs. You really should have stuck with your copy of the Rolling Stones' Sticky Fingers. It suits you a lot better.

Look at yourself! You don't wear European leather! You don't have any interest in outer space! You're betraying your heritage! Grow out your beards! Have a few shots of whiskey and just jam, dude!

I guess you pulled it together enough to throw some catchy hooks into it. At least you've still got something left. Good call picking "On Call" to be the first single. I mean, it's the best song on the album. But seriously dude, outside of that one and "Ragoo," I just don't understand. No, wait -- you don't understand! You used to wow me, but now I listen to something like "The Runner" and I want to take a nap. What happened? You've changed. And normally, change is good -- but not in the South, dude.

Grade: C