I have recently been barraged by people with posters of protest and letters of allegiance for vegetarianism and "veganity" (rhymes with insanity). The majority of them (wait... I mean all) claim that I am either a murderer or that my lifestyle choice (I eat meat and love it) is harmful to the world. Yet, I have never heard of anyone protesting against their lifestyle choice. So, all who salivate for steak, go pig-wild over pork, crave chicken and fantasize about fish, this, comrades, is for you.

I have a premise: If meat is murder, then green is mean.

I would love to explain. I'm not going to try to prove anything I can't, so let's expose what no one can prove. The moral argument of the vegan or vegetarian against eating meat is that the animal has a "soul" or that it suffers (during its slaughter or its short and very meaningful life) is simply baseless.

Has an animal ever told you that it thinks it should have a better living arrangement or that it is painful and demeaning to have no life other than to serve the purpose of a man's (or woman's) culinary pleasure? Unless you hear voices from less than typical places, I'm guessing no.

On animals with souls, I have some questions? What is a soul and does it exist? If it does indeed exist, how do we know that humans have one? Most importantly, how do we know that plants don't have one? We simply do not know the answer to these questions; we merely believe.

Well, on that note, I believe that plants have souls and animals -- and even people -- don't (take that one to the logical extreme). Plants could be such a high form of life, that we, as lowly humans, can't conceive of their gentle co-existence with the natural world. In fact, I am such a tree hugger (this is kind of true) that I think we should stop eating vegetables, fruits and any woody product.

My adversary might say that because I eat meat from animals that eat leafy products, I am condoning that action. That, my friend, is where you are wrong.

I kill the animals because of their transgressions against the vegetable. I eat them to provide myself with nourishment without unnecessarily harming the almighty plant. In return, the plant provides me with clean air and oxygen. It's a symbiotic relationship.

Now, doesn't that sound silly? No, not all. I believe it! Try to prove me wrong.

However, some veggies (this is my term for vegans and vegetarians alike) abstain from eating flesh for health reasons (weight, blood pressure, cholesterol, etc.).

I am a relatively healthy individual who, despite my best efforts to be a carnivore, remains omnivorous. Isn't moderation and variety important in the diet? I would even venture to say that food choice is only a part of the equation when determining one's health, and that lifestyle is a better indicator.

On top of that, recently a "Great American Meatout" (a campaign to influence a meat-free, healthy lifestyle and one of my inspirations for the column) was held outside the Allen Street Gates. The group handed out cookies to prevent global warming and help the environment, through (wait for it) not eating meat. The horror!

Their argument was that we use a lot of carbon-based resources producing animals, and the animals themselves cause pollution and methane from their respective eruptions is ozone-harmful as well.

Their argument is fallible. The thing they fail to consider is how much of those saved resources would be used to produce plants if we would all turn to the dark side. And the pesticides and herbicides that are used would pollute as well (remember DDT?).

Of course, we could raise organic fruits and vegetables, but the increase in the amount of land that would have to be farmed would promote a further sprawl into our natural wilderness lands for the sake of agriculture (and where would we get our natural fertilizer?). Despite my love of meat, I can only conclude that this happens to be a no-win situation.

And cookies? I thought it was about healthy choices.

Additionally, I don't trust veggies. In fact, I can't trust anyone who is incapable of trusting nature. What I mean by this is, if we are fit for our environment (whether through the evolutionary process or if God made us perfect for our environment, whatever you wish to believe), then how can we not do what our bodies were made to do? It seems only reasonable.

My example for this column is our canine teeth (also eyeteeth). While our teeth are a poor excuse for those found in canines, they are still for cutting meat. It's science. Denying our physical makeup (not using the tools we have) would be denying our existence, which would be denying what we believe in (creationism or evolution).

Now, maybe, this column isn't even about attacking the beliefs of vegetarians or "veganity," but merely a comment on people who take themselves so seriously that they have to attack the beliefs and lifestyles of others.

How different is "Meat is Murder" from "Abortion is Murder" or "Homosexuality is a Sin" or "Your favorite catch phrase here?" I don't perceive them as any different, yet, naturally, all will defend their respective protest, without respect for their fellow person.

I would love to take a page from the playbook of Jeremy Piven's character in the critically acclaimed film, PCU. Can we all come into agreement and say: "We're not gonna protest?"

What would I do? Well, what would my hero, the legendary Axl Rose do? He'd say "Live and let die.'

On eating, I would suggest a good, healthy mixture of meat and plants (just beware of their impending retribution). And after enjoying that liver and those fava beans, you can wash it down with a nice chianti.