With spring break a few short days away, I thought it might be helpful to provide a few tips to everyone on how to deal with any alcohol-soaked crises that might arise at some point during a period of revelry. Yes, I realize that many students are making alternative plans for spring break, but those people probably don't need my advice. Also, I doubt the phrase "alcohol-soaked crises" will apply to any part of their trips.

A lot of students are making plans to go to Cancun or Acapulco for spring break; great, now just remember a few things, and the sailing will be smooth. First, when you get down and get settled into your hotel room, make sure your room has running water. Once you've established that it does, don't touch the faucet for the rest of the trip. Additionally, place a bottle of cheap tequila by the faucet so that, if a member of your crew makes the mistake of drinking the tap water, he or she can quickly kill all the germs in it with a brisk swig of the good stuff.

When it comes time to go down to the beach, beware, because the sands can be fraught with peril. Guys, you'll always meet a few people who want to challenge your manhood or talk to the girl you've been working your game on, And as a result, conflict is inevitable. Just keep your handy bottle of tequila around, and you'll be able to handle anything that comes your way.

Ladies, you've got to be far more careful than the guys. If you see Joe Rogan or Snoop Dogg strolling around the beach with a cameraman in tow, shake off the haze in your mind and ask yourself one question: Do I want to be able to relive this trip over and over again at 2 a.m. on Comedy Central? If the answer is no, then avoid these kinds of people at all costs.

That about takes care of all the advice I have for students going to Mexico. While that does cover a sizable percentage of people on this campus, many others are going to other warm locales for their break. Like Vegas, baby.

Students spending their break in Vegas would be wise to avoid a certain set of behaviors that would result in their credit cards being maxed out and their flight home canceled. First, simple though it may seem, blackjack is not the quickest way to make money at the casino. Avoid rookie mistakes like hitting on 15 when the dealer is showing a three, and you might make it out without losing any money. Definitely avoid rookie mistakes like saying, "I fold" when you don't like your cards.

We all know, however, that there's a lot more to do in Vegas than gamble. If you're strolling into one of the gentleman's clubs that populate the strip (no pun intended), you have to look no further than the NFL for advice on how not to behave.

Sure, it might seem cool to "make it rain" on one of the dancers, like Pacman Jones did, but since you probably aren't making $7 million a year, you'll probably have to use Monopoly money to simulate the effect. This is not a good plan, as you'll probably leave the club having lost not only your garbage bag full of play money, but also most of your real money and a few teeth as well.

The best thing to do in Vegas is mix a little gambling with a few shows, a few visits to the club and some kind of sporting event, especially a boxing match, if there happens to be one taking place when you're there.

The worst thing to do is mix a lot of gambling with a lot of visits to the club and forget to sleep or shower. It's a fine line, and one that needs to be toed with care.

I feel as though I've given a few tips here that might make the vacations of some students more enjoyable and safer.

I know I didn't cover places like Daytona Beach or Miami, but the rules there are generally similar to those of Mexico, except that the water is in fact safe to drink.

Now, here's a multiple choice test to gauge your reading comprehension:

Situation 1: At a bar in Mexico, you ask the bartender for water, ostensibly to help you sober up a little bit. You see the bartender pour a tall glass of tap water and fill it with ice. When you're presented with the drink do you A. Accept it and drink up, thinking it will be a character-building experience for your colon B. Decline it and reach for your bottle of water C. Change your mind and ask for a Coke instead, or D. Drink the water down, and then order a double tequila, intending to kill all living things in your throat and digestive tract?

Situation 2: At a casino in Vegas, you're hitting a major cold streak. You've lost most of your money and maxed out two credit cards. Do you A. Take your remaining money and head to the roulette wheel, intending to "bet it all on black" B. Go back to your room and wait for your flight home C. Use your remaining money to get a hot meal, or D. Sign up for three new credit cards, call over the waitress and order three straight scotches and get down to the business of making your money back?

If you answered "D" to both of these questions, I'd say that, while you haven't paid attention to anything I've said in this article, you're absolutely ready for a good spring break.