I love hockey and I believe the NHL to be the last pure sports league left (please, don't ask me why).

And heaven, for me, is a hockey rink, where I get to watch Stevie Y captain the 96-97 Red Wings 24/7.

Currently, hell only exists if the Penguins leave Pittsburgh.

I love to watch the Penguins, even though they aren't my team.

Ever since I saw Super Mario, in black and gold, making opposing defenses look like amateurs, I was enamored.

The Penguins could be moving in the off-season, and it would be the second worst thing to happen to the NHL.

There would be earthquakes, tidal waves, meteors, and, most importantly, grown men would cry.

Yet, the Penguins moving seems to be a possibility now.

The state of Pennsylvania, the city's Allegheny County Sports & Exhibition Authority and the Penguins have been having significant trouble coming to an arrangement that all sides can agree upon.

This seems like a major disappointment considering a couple of months ago this issue seemed resolved.

Allow me the pleasure to explain the current situation to you -- when Pennsylvania opened a bidding process to give prospective gaming companies the opportunity to open slot machine casinos, a bidder claimed that if they received the license for Pittsburgh, they would entirely fund the new Penguins arena (at roughly $300 million).

When I read that, I thought that it seemed too good to be true.

It seems as if Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell thought so too because that company didn't get the license.

At some level, I can see his point.

It almost seemed as if the prospective gaming company had been attempting to buy the license.

I was reminded of the scene in The Godfather when Michael Corleone tried to buy out Moe Greene's share in a casino in Vegas. Michael offers to buy Moe out, and Moe furiously proclaims, "I buy you out. You don't buy me out."

The governor and his administration must have felt bullied.

I can understand that.

What did your dad tell you to do to a bully to make them stop?

Punch them, right in the face.

That's just what the governor did.

Gov. Rendell turned down their application for a license and then proceeded to give it to someone else.

This is where things get tricky.

Under the current plan, Pennsylvania authorized a company that will only pay part of the cost of the new arena ($7.5 million per year for 30 years), and the Penguins will provide the additional cost (apparently "significantly below" the $2.9 million the Pirates pay toward PNC Park).

The rest of the details haven't been disclosed concerning naming rights, money up front from the Penguins and also the ownership rights.

Talks took place yesterday; the first since Jan. 18.

Seems like a pretty good deal for the Penguins, but there are other things to consider.

If you were Mario Lemieux, partial owner of the Penguins and prior mentioned "Super Mario," what would you do?

He negotiated a deal with a prospective casino owner that would pick up all of the costs of the new arena, with none to the state and none to the Penguins, and then the state turned down that casino owner's application.

He also waited patiently for quite a few years, while the Penguins have desperately needed a new arena (their current arena is as outdated as vinyl).

Simply put, he feels betrayed by Pittsburgh.

There is a rational train of thought that says Super Mario should feel betrayed.

With that "too-good-to-be-true" offer turned down, he at least wants something in the ballpark.

While this is the best deal to be offered to a Pittsburgh team, I think that it is believable that the Penguins should pay less.

Consider the Pirates pay $2.9 million a year and have a stadium that seats roughly twice as many (I use the current Mellon Arena's capacity at about 17,000 and PNC Park's at about 38,000) and has twice as many games (Pirates 81 homes games versus Penguins 41).

Without taking ticket prices into account, one could reasonably assume from statistics that the Penguins should only pay about a quarter of the yearly amount that the Pirates do.

If the Penguins can only make a quarter of the amount of the Pirates, then why should they have to pay the same amount, or more? That's just logical to me.

Furthermore, now that Gov. Rendell has effectively caused problems in the process by not approving the too-good-to-be-true deal, he has pulled an end-around (I know, wrong sport) and threatened to ask Gary Bettman, NHL commissioner, to block a Penguins move. Bettman's stance is comparable to "The Penguins can leave, when hell freezes over." So, who's the bully now?

Let's imagine that the Penguins move.

What are the alternatives?

Houston, Kansas City, and Portland, Oregon are on the shortlist.

I'll try and denigrate these cities in a few sentences.

Houston: How can a city in the south (I know there are at least a half dozen there already, and I accept one major exception) really support a hockey team the way it needs to?

Not to mention, how many horizontally-challenged people (Houston was dubbed fattest city in the U.S.) really skate?

Kansas City: Yes, they will give the Penguins free rent at their new arena, but do barbecue ribs mix with hockey?

And who is willing to grow their beard into the humid Kansas City summer to support a deep Penguins run into The Stanley Cup Finals? Plus, aren't the Royals one of the few baseball teams out there that are in a smaller market than the Pirates?

Portland, OR: Now if this was the variety in Maine, I might go silly if it wasn't the Penguins, and if it wasn't such a small city.

But, have you ever been to Portland, OR? Yes, beautiful, but it is only a poor excuse for Seattle.

And, why would a hippie come out to support a sport that encourages fighting?

No reason.

Obviously, after my lengthy, empirical outlooks, there are no alternatives to the Penguins in Pittsburgh.

None whatsoever.

Yet, I am not totally convinced that they will stay.

You see, Bettman has a knack for making bad decisions, letting bad things happen to the NHL and letting teams move that shouldn't ever move (my heart goes out to The Whalers and The Jets).

I won't be happy until a deal has been formalized.

But, maybe we can all take solace in the fact that Penguins can't fly. And hell (with the exception of Norse Mythology) isn't covered in ice.

Well, as long as NHL Commisioner Bettman doesn't provide it.