Expressions like "That's so gay," are so commonly spoken that few understand the true complexities and history of their use. Beyond the obvious political incorrectness and naiveté that these idioms embody, these language patterns reflect a greater disparity involving the interaction between differing sexualities.

It is not surprising that the word "gay" has transformed from meaning homosexual to meaning "stupid" or "messed up." It is often used to describe something unfavorable or even a negative situation. And how has this meaning altered? Simply, the attachment of negativity to anything involving homosexuality, even the language identifying it, has afforded the word "gay" to mean anything but something positive. Thus, even in our somewhat more accommodating and open society does the notion of gayness have negative connotations that begin with the everyday lingo we use.

Even the more offensive term of "fag" has transformed in meaning. Its use and implication is split between the derogatory term for a gay person, but more significantly the devaluing of a male delineating from a social norm. Though it does not necessarily reflect overt gay bashing, as its historic use has been, it does echo harmful connotations that permeate heterosexism. Heterosexism is the prejudiced attitude that places heterosexuality as the norm, "right" or, at the very least, more significant sexual orientation.

Even though everyone uses heterosexist language, males take the greater part of its mainstream use. Historically, men have had the lingering mind-set of proving one's self a man by exuding masculinity through actions, speech and attitude. The use of these and other heterosexist terms automatically elevates the person using it by lessening the personhood or masculinity of the individual being portrayed. It is like proving yourself better then someone else by placing another person below you.

How men define themselves as, well, men, is an important aspect of self-identity. Masculinity is inherently tied with sexuality. Being straight essentially equates to a certain level of manhood. Being gay innately translates into someone less masculine, thus someone less of a man.

Oftentimes straight men wonder why gay men act the way they do. That is, why they act like girls, are flamboyant and essentially anything not considered to be the masculine norm. What few realize is that gay men and straight men alike attempt to define themselves by their actions and attitudes to attain their self-identity. Common everyday masculine norms include: competing to see who can eat more, who can lift more weights, who can run faster, who can watch more sports and even who drinks manlier drinks. And why are those things previously listed so important to self-identify as a straight man?

Because they reflect the social norms acceptable and expected of a straight man. So of course straight men prove themselves by projecting those qualities established and anticipated of them.

Gay men are no different. When you think of a gay man, what do you think about? Someone feminine, well- dressed, with many female friends and someone probably un-athletic. Self-identifying with a group, even a stereotype, is almost essential to the feelings of belonging and acceptance. Gay men act the way they do partly because it is what is expected of them and partly because it is a way for them to fit in.

Sound familiar? Gay and straight alike, men must prove themselves to their corresponding group. Any delineation from the accepted norm, on ether side, is considered abnormal.

What a "real man" should act like in fact means what a straight man should act like, which reveals this foundation for heterosexist attitudes. So the real question is not why gay men act that way. The question is why do you think that a gay man should still act what the social norm for a man is? Calling someone else gay does not prove your straightness or masculinity. It proves that you feel the necessity to self-identify yourself by devaluing someone else.

Furthermore, it is the responsibility of men to change and affect attitudes and judgments that reflect what masculinity means. Only then can disparities between sexualities be mended. So no, it is not OK to use the term "gay" if you don't literally mean it to mean homosexual. If something is stupid, then say it is. Think about it: Attaching a negative feeling or action to any word further reinforces misuse - especially when describing an entire group of individuals. These attachments further harbor negative and disrespectful feelings to the word "gay" and thus the entire concept of homosexuality.

Regarding changing the meaning of "gay" or "fag" should in fact be left to gays. "Fag" has and will always have negative overtones and should never be used. Even gays should avoid using the word because it only further reinforces its use. However, if anyone has the right or authority to decide its use, meaning and proper place, it's a gay person.

And by "gay," I mean gay.