So Britney and K Fed are officially splitting up.

Yes, I know it's hardly news, because anyone who is anyone has been stalking their relationship since the beginning and knew it was only a matter of time before Britney got tired of being the sugar momma, and having to pretend to like hearing Kevin sing.

Naturally, everyone is concerned about poor Britney. The other day I was watching a national news channel that spent 45 minutes devoting their top political analysts to determine "what went wrong."

Call me crazy, but does anyone else think it's extremely sad that more people know and care about what's going on in some trashy Southern girl's life than about the current state of the world in general? Talk to a pop-culture-obsessed teenager and he or she can probably recite the legal text of Spears' divorce papers word for word, but ask who Jacques Chirac is and I'm sure they'll draw a complete blank (hint: something to do with France).

Castro's finally dying? Big deal. Anna Nicole Smith has pneumonia! War in Iraq? Who cares! Nicole and Paris are friends again!

The backward apathy goes on.

I present to you a question that has perplexed me, and civilized mankind in general, for a long time: Why are people so obsessed with celebrities?

Magazines and Web sites track their every move by people who literally devote their entire life watching another person live theirs, just in a more fabulous way. Being a professional stalker is a legitimate and legal profession, and paparazzi have a reputation for being deadlier than terrorism, with fewer morals. There are TV shows about TV shows. And we watch them all.

If we spent as much time learning about how long celebrities work out for as we did paying attention to politics and international diplomacy, Americans wouldn't be as current-events-retarded as we are. I mean, what other sane democracy in the world produces a 20-something heiress who is famous for doing absolutely nothing, that subsequently encourages her career of doing nothing by paying her for it, culminating in giving her a TV show. Which we then watch too.

While researching this obsessive phenomena, I was directed to the "insanely addictive" Popsugar.com, which is an online blog that follows what's hot, what's not, and all other kinds of stuff that no one should ever really care about, in Hollywood. Because my roommate Megan spends a large amount of time on this site, I decided to ask her a few questions about her Celebrity Worship Syndrome, which she gladly agreed to answer.

Lana: Why do you like celebrities so much?

Megan: I like the gossip, and I find it amusing to watch other people's drama without actually having to experience it myself. Also, they are fashionable and very pleasant to look at.

Lana: What are your views on Britney and K Fed?

Megan: They are worthless pieces of trash and represent all that is wrong with America. I cant get enough of them.

Lana: If you could liquify celebrities and inject them directly into your veins, would you?

Megan: Probably.

There you have it. When you think about it, celebrities aren't such mysterious creatures after all. They are no more than overpaid circus monkeys that sleep with each other and have the ability to gossip, existing purely for our amusement. And to tell normal people how to dress cool. Now, weaning ourselves off of our celebrity addiction will be a difficult task, but is necessary to prevent us from reaching the point when more Americans will be able to name the new Idol than the President.

I'll be honest: I enjoy a good True Hollywood Story or episode of MTV Cribs as much as the next college kid. And there's really nothing wrong with being interested in Madonna's new adoption or shocked by the fact that the cute little kid from the Sixth Sense got a DUI. After all, that is what actors and actresses are paid millions for -- being entertaining. Besides, hearing about their lives is often more interesting than watching their blockbuster movies. Truth is stranger than fiction, after all.

But the next time you consider picking up that latest issue of Us, or posting comments onto Popsugar's gossip boards, try reading the front page of The New York Times first, or visiting the Drudge Report online, instead. Then head to the entertainment section.

Like any addictive drug, celebrities are best used in moderation.