You might remember reading recently in this space about the sickening prevalence of advertising and product placement in professional sports.

That problem is nothing when you take a look at the current hot trend in plastic surgery. That's right, boys and girls; I'm talking about eyelash transplants.

According to a Reuter's article, the surgery, which involves taking hair follicles from the back of the scalp and sewing them individually into the eyelid, was initially available only to people with genetic defects or burn victims. Not anymore.

"Longer, thicker lashes are a ubiquitous sign of beauty. Eyelash transplantation does for the eyes what breast augmentation does for the figure," Dr. Alan Bauman, a leading advocate of the procedure, said.

I'm guessing the next part of his quote was something along the lines of, "Can you believe these people are stupid enough to pay $3,000 an eye for this nonsense?"

You heard that last figure right: $3,000 per eye. Screw paying off the credit card debt, I think I'll get me some new lashes.

I know you're saying to yourself, "now what kind of person would pay $3,000 to get new eyelashes?"

Enter Erica Lynn, a 27-year-old model from Florida. When you find out that Lynn has also had breast augmentation surgery and a nose job, you realize the progression was natural.

Asked about the surgery in that same Reuters article, Lynn gave this enlightening eyelash endorsement: "I think eyelashes are awesome. You can never have enough of them."

All this eyelash business highlights a larger point. Americans are becoming more insecure by the second, even when such degeneration seems impossible. The next thing you know, people will remove the fat from their posteriors and put it in their lips, just to try and get that Kim Basinger look.

Wait, they already do that.

This insecurity also ails Penn State students. I always laugh when I think about all the people I've seen in 8 a.m. classes wearing the same clothes they would wear to a party, with full makeup on the ladies and the pungent odor of Sex Panther on the guys.

People, get a hold of yourselves. No normal human being rolls out of bed and looks like that. If you've ever seen the recently leaked photo of Eva Longoria sans makeup, you would know what I'm talking about.

Here's the thing: There's nothing wrong with the way that desperate housewife looks. We're all just so used to seeing her caked in makeup with her breasts popping out of her shirt that everyone is a little stunned when they see her au natural.

The same thing goes for everyone at this school. Girls, there's nothing wrong with rolling out of bed, throwing on sweats and a hoodie and bumming it to class. Yes, you can even go without makeup. It doesn't really matter. Guys, the same thing goes for you. Want to wear that ripped T-shirt to class? Go right ahead. Feel like forgoing that third shower of the day before your last class? By all means, do so.

Everyone is so concerned about being that scruffily-dressed person in class that the steps in a Forum classroom are starting to resemble a runway in Milan. This is not the way things were meant to be. There's a reason people dress up to go out on the weekend. It's because that isn't how they dress during the week. So lay off the makeup, keep the $300 shoes in the closet and just be you out there. There's no need to be a supermodel in Chem 012.

The pessimist in me, however, thinks this advice might have come too late. We as a society and a campus might have passed the point of no return.

With that in mind, I've got to go and Botox my toes. It's going to be the next big thing, I can feel it.