Dear Mr. Infidel,

We need to talk. You're putting me out of a job.

To quote the Supreme Court, you obliterated "the fundamental instrument for safeguarding individual freedom against arbitrary and lawless state action."

You can now imprison anybody in your country, regardless of their citizenship, for any reason and any amount of time, without giving them a fair avenue to dispute their imprisonment.

I am impressed and annoyed. If you don't plan on joining me, you must find your own style of oppression instead of copying mine.

Since you've obviously forgotten, I'll clarify our roles in this war. I am the pariah warlord destined to destroy the Great Satan and you are democracy's poster-boy.

You're supposed to engage me in an epic battle of democratic principles versus my extremist ideals, in which my soldiers would bleed you into decay.

After the glorious holy war, America is supposed to implode from the fear and injury that I, not you, inflict. So why aren't you playing your part of the hero? Your assignment is to shield America from my attacks.

Instead, you brazenly undermined my legacy by destroying America more brutally than I ever have. If you keep taking away Americans' rights, how can I do my job? Tearing down the foundations of America leaves me with nothing to attack.

And you say it's meant "to defeat the threat." You say it's for America's safety.

I write to you in gratitude and anger. I should be happy that the Infidels no longer have habeas corpus. It was a cornerstone of the very system I sought to destroy.

But it is unacceptable that the president of the United States has surpassed me in my mission to destroy America. Unlike the United States, my environment is like an incubator for young terrorists.

Firebrand preachers that support my beliefs spout hatred to young, uneducated Arabs and urge them to take revenge against a society that has allegedly shunned them.

If I didn't have widespread ignorance and corrupt governments working to my advantage, my efficacy would plummet.

Whereas I gain strength through my minions' ignorance, your Americans can open any history book and discover that the loss of essential freedoms has never once benefited them.

The Alien and Sedition Acts that John Adams signed into law in 1798, just 15 years after the end of the Revolutionary War, made it a crime for journalists to "write, print, utter, or publish" anything opposing the government.

These acts returned tyrants to power. But this time, the tyrants were not foreign rulers. They were Americans masquerading as guardians of liberty. Adams swore that he took these measures for the safety of the American people, yet he imprisoned 25 of them for criticizing him. After the president justified his crimes with the urgency of security for years, the government later apologized to the people whose lives they had ruined.

Ironic, yet typical for the American Infidels, that the very year most of Adams' Acts expired, America's security was being directly threatened. In 1801, the Bashaw of Tripoli went to war with America. And, as the insufferable Marine Corps hymn goes, the Marines defeated the Bashaw.

During World War II, FDR seized Japanese-Americans, even those who were born in America, and shipped them to internment camps. He claimed that it was for their protection. That it was for a great cause that stretched far beyond an American's so-called "inalienable rights."

I can imagine the rage that the Nazis felt when they saw FDR, their purported enemy, mirroring their moves.

Your intrusions into my field cannot continue. You are obviously well versed in the tenets of terrorism, so I leave you with two options.

Join al-Qaeda and coordinate your attacks on freedom with mine, or fulfill your duty as president to honestly protect the American people and their values.

Sincerely,

Osama bin Laden