Purists and old-timers might hate to hear it, but in the wake of recent news concerning the Chicago White Sox, it is clear that professional sports have become completely prostituted out to advertising of all forms.
The Chicago White Sox, in America's third largest market, and only a year removed from a World Series victory, agreed just over a week ago to begin all home games at 7:11 p.m.
They've entered into a partnership with 7-Eleven convenience stores. According to a 7-Eleven spokesperson, the Sox were targeted because of the more than 180 locations of the convenience store in the Chicago area.
For those of you who don't know a lot about baseball, the time of the first pitch is always announced at the stadium. According to that same spokesperson, each time the first pitch is thrown and the time announced, it will be "a gentle reminder of our sponsorship."
Excuse me while I clean the vomit out of the inside of my mouth. Forget all the potential breach of contract problems this will cause with rain delays or potential rush calls to the restroom by an umpire, the fact that this agreement even happened is a sad sign.
It's not enough that sports like NASCAR (okay, not really a sport) are dominated by advertising. Every stadium in existence has had its naming rights given away to the highest bidder. With a few notable exceptions, every field is now something like "M&T Bank Field at Nextel Stadium." It's enough to drive me insane. However, despite my personal feelings about this, I figured that I needed to get with the times or get left behind.
With that in mind, I've devised some advertising pitches that I think would be solid gold for both the company and the team representing their product. First on the list are the Philadelphia Eagles and Energizer Batteries. The little pink bunny will be used to sponsor "The Energizer Lockup at Lincoln Financial Field."
This would house those patrons who just kept throwing and throwing and throwing. Given the propensity of Philadelphia fans to chuck 9-volt batteries at opposing players who have jilted them in some way, I think that this is a money machine just waiting to be turned on. Next up, we move across the Commonwealth to Pittsburgh, where the hometown Steelers, already possessing the "Heinz Red Zone" could go one step further and paint a ketchup-red "57-yard line" on the 43-yard line on each side of the field. Again, I think this is just gold waiting to be discovered, and I think the Steelers know it too.
But the crown jewel of advertising, the Everest of endorsement, if you will, comes down the Ohio River in Cincinnati.
The hometown Bengals are the only team in the NFL where some players' rap sheets are longer than their stat sheets. With that in mind, I plan to suggest that the stadium, currently named for venerable former owner Paul Brown, be altered a little. All the team needs to rake in the ad money is to call the nearest reputable bail bondsman, preferably one that has dealt with players before. I can hear Jim Nantz introducing the game on CBS right now.
"Live from Fred's Fast Money Field at Paul Brown Stadium, the Cincinnati Bengals will take on the Pittsburgh Steelers."
You've read these suggestions, and you probably think I'm crazy, but if the prestigious University of Phoenix can get their name on the new Arizona Cardinals stadium, anything is possible. In fact, why limit this kind of advertising to the pro game? I can't wait for the day when our Nittany Lions play Ohio State inside the unfriendly confines of DeVry Stadium.
If that isn't traditional, what is?
