Late summer and early fall is littered with falling leaves, freshly mowed grass and pesky little lanyards and blue card holders choking the necks of freshmen.
There are more than 8,000 freshmen - more than any other year in school history. This large incursion not only aggravates lines at the White Building or HUB, but it also alters the established social and academic landscape at Penn State. Here's a guide for those novice freshmen who want to know what those disenchanted seniors are saying about them.
The Mob is Back
Freshmen are like girls going to the bathroom ... they go in packs. Walking around frat row with 15 of your bros won't get you into Sigma Chi or get you free beer.
It's okay to venture on your own; you don't need all of your friends following you to prove you have that many friends. And please know the difference between a handle, a fifth, and a 40. No one believes you actually drank a handle last night at Doug's. And here's a history lesson: Beer pong has been here long before you "tore that up."
No, It's Not Okay To Wear That
Everyone has had a wretched 8 a.m. class, and wearing high heels at dawn doesn't exactly give off the "I'm cool" vibe you were hoping for. Nobody wants to see you in a mini-skirt and heels that early. We just want our coffee and sleep. Oh, and ladies, we all know you want to rush a sorority to anxiously embark on your trophy wife training. But please, the shades are meant for the sun, not to showcase your Gucci collection.
Why are you asking me this?
Yes, I do know where some cool places are to hang out and party. No, I really don't want to tell you, you should probably go and figure it out on your own.
So please, go Facebook someone else. And why are you asking me where Boucke is when you have a massive map in front of your forehead? You do know how to read a map, don't you?
Frats are still cool
No one really cares that the Tri-Delt sisters complimented your shoes or that you partied at Acacia last night.
So did everyone else, and soon you'll see there is life after frats. Oh, you also sat next to Morelli in sociology class? That's awesome, except that so did 300 other kids, and it doesn't really make you any trendier. Gents, popping your collar is appropriate in only two instances - when you actually want to assert that you are in a frat or when you appear in GQ magazine.
The Blue Loop
A common misconception freshmen have is that East Halls "is like five miles" from their nearest class. Not true. Most of your classes will be within a 10- to 15-minute walk, so using the bus to get to the Forum is really kind of ridiculous. You have two legs, so use them for something other than going to the Creamery (yes, the Creamery ice cream is fantastic, but they don't call it the "freshman 15" for nothing). Oh, and one more thing - East is a fine place to live your freshman year. Everybody lived there too, so stop complaining and enjoy the experience. (Note: If you live in the Honors College dorms, you should probably keep that to yourself).
So freshmen, welcome to arguably one of the greatest four (or five) years of your life.
Know that everyone has been there and done that.
And if you don't know where the Fenske lab is, don't worry. I don't either.
