I was very happy to see that the university banned the eating and drinking of products besides water. However, I feel that this is only a partial solution to the problem of classroom waste. Much of the waste that accumulates in our academic facilities is caused by the Newspaper Readership Program. On any given weekday, hundreds of copies of The Daily Collegian litter 101 Forum, distracting me from my most learned professors with needless stories of tuition raises and unannounced university policy changes. Therefore, I propose that we outlaw this newspaper in all university classrooms, effective immediately.

Besides simplifying campus politics and cutting down on crossword related distractions, this move would save the university a significant amount on janitorial costs, leaving more capital for building construction and police surveillance.