Sitting in a mostly empty theater watching Scary Movie 4 on Easter, I began to question my role as a critic.

They've been pumping these flicks out since the turn of century. Everyone knows what to expect. If you have taste, you know not to waste your time. If lots of fart and sex gags are your idea of hilarity, you probably aren't reading the paper.

A few lines hit. The opening sequence, featuring Shaq and Dr. Phil in a Saw parody, is decent. "I'm not even a psychologist, I'm an electrician!" Phil claims.

It also sets the scene for endless cameos, ranging from good actors like Michael Madsen and James Earl Jones blowing their credibility to those with none to lose, like Lil' Jon.

But it's all downhill after the opening three minutes. For every chuckle there was a five-minute stretch where I furrowed my brow and rubbed my temples, actually offended -- not by crude jokes, but because they assumed it was entertaining.

Why bother writing jokes when you can have a blind girl mistake a meeting hall for a bathroom? Or have Charlie Sheen mix up his sleeping pills and Viagra? Don't get me started on the endless blunt head trauma, either an allegory for how they wrote the movie or how the audience feels when it's done.

They're cranking these flicks out so fast they can barely find enough scary movies.

This one largely avoids thrillers, instead focusing on (The Village), sci-fi (War of the Worlds), sports (Million Dollar Baby) and talk shows (Tom Cruise on Oprah).

Perhaps most puzzling is the inclusion of Brokeback Mountain gags, which I guess counts as a scary movie if the crew is homophobic or something.

It got enough laughs out of me to prevent me from giving it an F in good conscience. But just barely.

Avoid at all costs.

Grade: D-

-- Reviewed by Dustin Pangonis