I've got beef with the "Great American Meatout."
The self-proclaimed "World's Largest Grassroots Diet Education Campaign" held its annual event yesterday, which urged people to subtract meat from their daily diet for their health and to stop the unethical treatment of animals.
Though the intentions are noble, the Great American Meatout is a bunch of baloney.
Designed to promote vegetarianism, the national program coordinator for the 21st annual event equated ceasing the consumption of meat to quitting smoking. But meat-free restaurants would be a lot less popular than smoke-free bars.
The burger boycott began in 1985 by the Farm Animal Reform Movement, but there is a reason that the group's message hasn't captured the ears of the fast-food faithful: They can't hear while they're chewing a Big Mac.
And going against meat is slicing against history. Tradition serves meat-filled memories of our American culture. Meatless menus would mean death to BBQs. Summers filled with grilling won't be the same without grills filled with meat.
People who celebrate St. Patrick's Day the real way -- with corned beef and cabbage -- will be stuck with a dinner more fitting for the Easter Bunny.
And taking the hot wings, sausage sandwiches, hamburgers and hot dogs off of the tailgating lineup would start more arguments than the cases of Budweiser beside them. Food is the original social lubricant and brings people from near and far together. Whether you call it a hoagie or a sub, it's pronounced "boring" if it doesn't have deli meat.
Putting vegetarian dishes on the menu would certainly add to the diversity of options this country constantly strives to deliver. But taking meat off of it leaves much to be desired.
Throughout the history of the planet there have been those who wanted lettuce, tomato and onions, and those who wanted the same thing ... on a delicious beef patty. But the door to good health is opened with the key of moderation. And the meat-abolitionists forget this while ignoring the food pyramid's recommended two to three servings of protein a day.
If health concerns are the ammunition of this movement, then the gun has misfired. Plenty of people lead happy, healthy lives consuming their own personal shishkabob of meat products.
The vegans and vegetarians who picket pork may have seen the documentary Supersize Me too many times and think those who like the other white meat will end up like the film's Morgan Spurlock; bloated, unhealthy and miserable after eating McDonald's food for a month straight. But his experience doesn't resemble that of the average carnivore.
Cutting meat from our menus could hurt the multi-billion dollar industry that gives millions of people jobs to put food on their own tables. Losing these jobs means not only no meat, but no money to buy the organically grown squash touted by the no-meat militia. How can you bring home the bacon when there's none to be brought home?
Another firework in the parade against meat is how animals are treated unethically. But at the same time products like makeup, toothpaste, shampoo and detergents are tested on animals, sometimes even sprayed directly into their eyes, so how do you brush your teeth after that tofu burger?
The veggie-nation tries to break the meat habit with logical conundrums like "Why do you pet a dog and eat a cow?" We forget that an appropriate answer is that a dog is man's best friend, and a cow just stands there. And at the end of the day it's all about personal taste.
Besides, no one likes a hot dog more than me, except for maybe my dog.
