Go about your normal business. Please, don't let me stand in your way. Incidentally, this column is capable of monitoring what you're doing, who you're meeting and whether or not you actually used all those ketchup packets you took from Union Street without your knowledge and transmitting that information back to the author.

But it's not. Seriously. It can, but it's not. You'll have to take my word on this one.

Now, assuming you haven't thrown down the paper in a fit of Orwellian horror, I'm sure you realize this column isn't actually watching your activities. But, if you believed it were, you certainly wouldn't, oh, I don't know, say, plan any terror-related activities in front of this column, now, would you?

If you answered, "Yes, I probably still would," then you have passed today's exam in Bush administration logic 101.

See, in Bush administration logic, it's perfectly likely that you could announce to the world that you were planning on warrantless domestic wiretapping and potential terror suspects would still be stupid enough to reveal sensitive information over domestic telephone lines.

For all the time this administration puts into fighting terrorists, they sure don't give them much credit.

For weeks on end, Bush and company have taken part in an all-out media blitz, trying to convince people that there's nothing illegal about giving the president the power to authorize the covert, warrantless, unchecked, and, well, illegal monitoring of U.S. citizens.

Other than a break earlier this week when the administration was focused on keeping Vice President Dick Cheney away from the White House gun cabinet, this has been the primary objective for the past month: convince everybody that this is OK. However, as Chairman of the House Permanent Select Committee on Intelligence, Pete Hoekstra (R-Mich.), put it on the Feb. 12 edition of Meet the Press, "the program is [now] really of questionable value."

"Does anyone really believe that, after 50 days of having this program on the front page of our newspapers ... al-Qaida has not changed the way it communicates?" Hoekstra asked. Apparently, someone believes that. And they believe it enough to try convincing us all that it's nice and legal.

They just don't want anyone to bother checking how nice and legal it is.

When a motion appeared on the Senate floor to launch an inquiry into the program, the White House swiftly disapproved, and indicated it would not allow officials such as former Attorney General John Ashcroft to testify on the program's legality. As a result of the administration's reaction, the motion died on the Senate floor Thursday.

For a perfectly legal and necessary program, they sure are a bit testy about it. If this program were kosher, why bother spending over a month convincing everyone in earshot to trust it? And furthermore, if the program has become "of questionable value," why keep up the efforts?

The Bush administration has had no trouble breaking the law when it comes to the war on terror. Just look at Guantanamo Bay. Furthermore, it has already been monitoring terror suspects without warrants; this was authorized shortly after Sept. 11, and has been in use ever since.

If this were just about monitoring al-Qaida, the Bush administration wouldn't bother asking. It would just do it. It would only bother with a media-based assault asking for unchecked abilities if it knew its actions were going to receive such heavy public criticism.

This administration just wants to be able to monitor whomever it wants, whenever it wants, for whatever reason it wants. This isn't about ferreting out terror plots; it's about having free reign to listen in on telephone conversations, from those of Zacarias Moussaoui to those of the neighborhood dope dealer to those of some guy who posts "Bush must go" on a message board. If Congress goes along with them on this one, they'll be able to do just that. And they will.

Whether or not you believe the administration would abuse this power is a matter of opinion. But there's no way we should put measures in place that would allow them to do so if they wanted.

This column isn't watching you. But someone else might be. And it's all nice and legal.