Not that I have a Grinch-sized heart, but this whole Valentine's Day idea grates on me like the baby in those Quizno's commercials.

Needless to say, I'm trying my hardest not to celebrate today's holiday by stuffing "Be Mine's" into everyone's cubby.

But in a society where money talks, it's hard to get anyone to listen without spending a little.

The National Retail Federation reported that last year the average consumer spent $97.27 on the heart-shaped Hallmark holiday.

There were 180 million roses sold, $2.4 billion worth of jewelry purchased, 180 million greeting cards exchanged and 36 million heart-shaped boxes of chocolate sold, according to the Society of American Florists, the U.S. Census Bureau, Hallmark and the Chocolate Manufacturers Association and National Confectioners Association, respectively.

It's almost enough to give you a (pardon the pun) heart attack.

But the money isn't as alarming as the cliches. Let's be honest, our love affair with cash registers isn't limited to the neighborhood of early February -- it's a daily occurrence. But we've made celebrating Valentine's Day into the most cookie-cutter shaped of all holidays.

Roses, jewelry, store bought cards? I know these are a few of our favorite things, but celebrating Valentine's Day lately is more like filling out a form. And if we don't, marketers are quick to remind us that our significant others won't feel significant.

While marketers tell us what to buy, what they're really selling is expectations. You can sing "Can't Buy Me Love" all day, but we all know that if we don't get that special someone those special somethings they'll be especially peeved.

So why are we buying in?

Because if we don't, then we run the risk of being labeled unromantic. We can protest all we want during the days leading up to the 14th, but when push comes to shove, we'll find ourselves in the greeting card section of CVS trying to make a compromise between the six cards they have left (and two of them just so happen to be "For a special grandma").

It may be the thought that counts but are we counting with dollar bills? It depends. Have you ever tried the handmade, from the heart, "I really love you so I made you this" approach?

A few years ago, the idealistic version of me tried this approach with a box of crayons and an active imagination. I cut out paper hearts, used a glue stick for the first time since kindergarten and wrote the cheesiest poem on earth on what I erroneously considered to be the greatest Valentine gift ever concocted. I met up with my romantic interest and prepared to floor her. I gave her the masterpiece and she gave me a really expensive watch. She actually laughed. We broke up a week later. And I wondered, should I have picked a different gift or a different girl?

Probably both. I chalked it up to her being shallow, but could I blame her? Or was it consumer-culture whispering sweet (and expensive) nothings into her ear?

Either way I learned a valuable lesson: There is no avoiding these marketers. There is no dodging the bullet of consumerism. The expectations are in place because the thought only counts as a thought. And a purchase better follow.

We can all easily point out the hypocrisy in Valentine's Day, condemning Hallmark on our way to ... Hallmark. But the following fact remains: We do expect something, we do want money to be spent on us and as long as we keep buying and expecting, we're all hypocrites anyway.

So Happy Valentine's Day, and remember that all you need is love, and an expensive gift to go with it.