There are plenty of good movies in State College right now. Capote. Match Point. The one where the dudes kiss.

And yet, the top-grossing "film" in the country last weekend was When a Stranger Calls.

Ever wonder why the rest of the world doesn't really like us? Well, there's your first clue.

When a Stranger Calls -- directed by Simon West (Lara Croft: Tomb Raider) -- is about Jill, a dim teenage girl, played by Camilla Belle, in a role I don't suspect required her to really act much.

Life for Jill, like, totally sucks; her boyfriend just cheated on her with none other than her best friend, her dad took away her cell phone after she racked up a few too many overtime minutes, and just to add insult to injury, she's being forced to miss the big high school bonfire to babysit.

Bogus!

Lucky for Jill, the house she's sitting is totally rad. It's huge, and it's on a lake, and they have, like, a koi pond and everything. But all the Popsicles she can eat and TiVo she can watch won't save Jill from the ultimate horror. No, not Rick Santorum, silly! I mean when a stranger calls!

I'm sure you all can fill in the rest from here, but I'll save you the trouble. A stranger calls. He keeps calling.

It eventually becomes clear to Jill (who's apparently never seen a horror movie) that homeboy isn't calling long-distance.

Some running occurs. Eventually, things work themselves out. Eighty minutes of your life tick by, and it dawns on you that you're never going to write a great novel or compose a world-class symphony when you keep pissing your time and money away on things like When a Stranger Calls.

You file out of the theater, downtrodden, swearing to never see a crap horror movie again as long as you live.

Then you see a poster for Final Destination 3, and have a change of heart.

Go America!

Grade: D

-- Reviewed by Paul Thompson