When you hear the word piracy, what do you think of?

Most likely, it's one of two things: Thieving music from the Internet (as I know we all have done) or crazy marauders sailing the high seas in the 1700s, a la Pirates of the Caribbean.

We've all heard the bad side of music piracy, so I'll leave that for someone else far more knowledgeable on the topic than me to argue the finer points. Instead, I'd like to put forth a question: Why is being a Pirate no longer a viable career option?

When I was little, I remember teachers saying we could be anything we wanted to be when we became older. Peter Pan was in theaters at the time, and I kept thinking that sword fighting would be such a fun thing to do as an adult. Plus there was the added benefit of those huge piles of gold coins.

Piracy could be considered a pretty stable and profitable career despite the dangers, but it was never on any of those silly tests we were given that determined what you would be best at. So obviously my teachers didn't mean I really could do anything I wanted.

When it gets down to it, how would one go about becoming a pirate in this day and age? Anti-piracy laws definitely put a damper on the recruiting process, and I don't think there are many universities out there that would want their name connected to a professional thief. Also, I guess the health benefits and 401(k) plans that so many people rely on just don't fit in with that life style either. And do they even offer stock options?

There goes most of the applicant pool.

Theft and murder are frowned upon by so many people that making a living by doing those two things just won't fly.

Now, even though it's morally wrong and most people would never do it, everyone has to have at least briefly thought about stealing something at one point or another.

Personally, I don't condone hurting or killing people, or animals for that matter, but getting the chance to pillage an unsuspecting ship or small town has to be a bit of an adrenaline rush. Plus, I really could use some new shoes right about now, and I do have this crappy TV that needs to be replaced.

That might be the only check mark in the benefit column.

Recently, real-life pirates have been in the headlines again. Attacks on luxury cruise liners have drawn the world's attention to the waters off the coast of third world countries, and painted pirates in a bad light.

Why aren't these guys the wise cracking, sword and gun-toting characters we all know and love? Disney just had to go and spoiled the dream for me by making it seem like so much fun.

Now that my dreams have been thoroughly crushed, the only way of getting back at those lying teachers is to hang a pirate flag in my apartment. Wow, that kind of makes me seem like a sad and slightly disturbed individual.

Actually, I have the thing because it's funny, makes people laugh and can sometimes be a conversation starter.

Way too often people take things seriously that were only meant as a joke. It seems like things that aren't strictly labeled "humor" get blown way out of proportion and people end up hurt. Yes, there are important things out there that you should be passionate about, like politics or religion. But you can't fault someone for having different views, as I've seen on one too many occasions.

We're all young (well, most of us anyway), and we could be doing better things with our imaginations than thinking up something else to argue about, like music piracy.