Patty Fornicola never imagined she would be cleaning out her boyfriend's office alone, without him by her side, ready to begin a new life together. Instead, last week, she gathered missing District Attorney Ray Gricar's possessions and left an empty office for the new district attorney.

"Just seeing his office empty, having to go through his things ... I knew it had to be done, but ... I started to break down; I had to get out of the office," she said. "But on Monday, I'll be back, ready to face another week ... I have to."

The pair began dating in August 2001 after they met while working in the Centre County district attorney's office.

They moved in together in March 2002.

"For the first time in my life, I was truly happy, and I believe he was, too," she said.

Gricar was set to retire this month and had asked her to stop working so they could spend more time together.

"Ray was looking forward to enjoying his life," she said. "If he had been here, cleaning out his office, it would have been a happy and joyous occasion."

Fornicola expressed how she and Gricar spent time together -- a topic that seemed to have been forgotten in the past eight months by everyone but her and close family.

"We loved to walk together ... we liked to just 'watch the grass grow,' as we said ... we were comfortable with one another," she said.

Her eyes lit up as she pulled out a picture of Gricar as a young man and reminisced about how she used to ask him if he wanted to see a picture of her boyfriend.

"He would look at it and say 'what a dork!' ... We loved being together and laughing together -- he let me be me," she said.

To the community, Gricar was a dedicated district attorney of 20 years, but Fornicola said there is a side that only those close to him knew; he was "caring, thoughtful, fun-loving, patient and dedicated."

The Bellefonte Police Department has outlined possible scenarios of the case: foul play, suicide or walk away.

But Fornicola said she thinks suicide is the least likely scenario.

"Really, none of the scenarios to his disappearance make sense," she said. "The Ray that we know could not -- would not -- walk away or commit suicide ... if something happened to him like he lost his memory somehow, had a stroke, then he isn't the Ray we know."

She recognizes that whatever the scenario is and whatever the future holds, her life will never be the same.

"No matter what has happened, it will be different," she said.

At times, when others assume Gricar dead, Fornicola's faith that he is alive does not falter.

"Maybe it is that I can't or won't believe it -- but I just don't have that gut feeling," she said. "Until I have some proof, I will always have hope."

On April 15, Gricar called Fornicola to let her know he was on Route 192 and would not make it home in time to take care of their dog. He has not been heard from since.

"I have been playing back that conversation for almost eight months now. I wonder if his voice was different in any way," she said. "You never know when it is going to be your last conversation with someone."

Fornicola said Gricar never expressed a concern for his safety; the only unusual thing, she said, was that during the two weeks before he disappeared, he seemed more tired than usual.

She said she's found that "no community or person is immune" to this type of tragedy and has had to deal with challenging questions. There have been rumors that Gricar may have been with another woman, and Fornicola said that at first, it was "gut-wrenching."

"But I thought about it, and cheating just is not Ray's style," she said. "I know who I have become over the years and who he has become over the years, and that is not him ... that has made it a bit easier to talk."

She said that while she wants things to be found, she still gets a sick feeling when she receives phone calls.

"It is nerve-wracking. It's like it starts all over again -- the frustration of 'what does this mean? Are we going to be able to find out what this means?' " she said.

Life has changed for Patty Fornicola, and she said the void that Ray Gricar has left can only be filled by him once again.

"Sometimes I don't even know what my emotions are anymore. I know some things should be joyous and exciting, but they aren't," she said. "Ray is the love of my life ... the one person I've always looked for and thought I was never going to find."