You think you know competition. You watched Michael Robinson take out that big Minnesota defensive back, and you thought, "Wow, what a competitor." That's nothing compared to the grit, determination and sacrifice it takes to succeed in State College -- not in sports or school, but in the ultra-competitive real estate market.

First, you need a goal. Imagine your perfect apartment: close to campus, $300 or less a month, free parking, balcony, your own bedroom. Picture yourself sleeping peacefully until 10 minutes before class. Now picture the sweet parties you could throw in your perfect apartment. It's pretty nice, isn't it?

Now you have a choice. You can forget that image forever, or you can gear up for a battle. This is no exaggeration. Because, you see, there are thousands of other Penn State students who have also dreamed of your apartment. They might even want it more than you do. You've go to do what it takes to win -- whatever it takes.

How do you find it before they do? For starters, you probably should have begun a few months ago. If you started on the second day of classes, you'd probably beat most people out of the gate. The "box rule" is sometimes helpful in this situation. If you've put your boxes away from moving in, and haven't started looking for a place for next year, you're behind. State College is a special place.

If you're just reading this now and haven't thought about where you're living next year, you should probably panic. I'm not saying that all hope is lost, but you've got to switch into overdrive to make up for lost time.

Especially if you're starting late, you should seriously consider skipping all of your classes. There's no time! You need to call up all the main realty companies, make appointments, spend hours scouring Web sites and property lists, and give them money when they ask for it.

Don't listen to what your parents say about how much an apartment should cost. People who aren't familiar with State College don't understand how much of a real estate bubble this town is. Things will probably get expensive -- so get a job.

Fill out every application you can get your hands on, whether you like that company's apartments or not.

Living on the streets might sound funny now, but it won't be so funny when drunk kids are kicking the box you call home.

Don't wait for your "roommates" to take the initiative. A hard-and-fast rule of apartment hunting is that you don't technically have roommates until you sign a lease. Those "Hey, do you want to get an apartment with us next year?" agreements are hardly legally binding. You're in this for yourself. Act that way.

With that in mind, don't hesitate to delegate responsibility. Tell your prospective roommates what to do and don't take no for an answer. Things like "exams" during specially scheduled apartment tours should not be tolerated. A prospective roommate who cannot even attend meetings clearly doesn't care about the apartment as a whole. You should question whether there's really a place for him/her in your perfect apartment.

Your best friends in the apartment hunting process are the friendly people who work at the various companies. Bringing cookies is a good way to build a friendly relationship; you might just find that some of their policies are really just "general guidelines." Rules are made to be broken.

But, if you have struggled enough and endured enough, at the end of your arduous search will be a beautiful apartment. You may have lost some friends along the way, may have failed out of classes, may be paying more than you can afford and more than you should ... but it will be worth it. Being a king or queen of your own place is priceless.

Before it's official, you're going to have to sign a lease and throw down a few hundred dollars worth of security deposit for a place you won't see the inside of for nine months. If this empties your already low bank account, remember that you can always save money on Christmas presents.

Just explain to your family that their Christmas gifts are being kept hostage in the bank account of an obscenely profitable State College realty company.

Tough to do, perhaps, but this is a battle and sacrifices have to be made. Once it's over, you'll realize that the most important thing is loudly proclaiming yourself a winner.