"Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson."

It began just as any other relationship. At first, there was a chance meeting, perhaps at a random party, maybe even through a mutual friend. But the conversation continued long after the keg was kicked. There were late-night phone calls, lighthearted banter over instant messenger, invitations extended via text message ... and then, well, it just happened. Suddenly, surprisingly, astonishingly, you find yourself attached. And for just this once, your stunned reaction is not due to the fact that, in spite of your dreadful personality and general unattractiveness, another human being can stand your company for longer than seven consecutive seconds. Rather, you are in shock because your significant other is, well, significantly older.

Now, there are varying definitions of "older." I'm sure everyone is familiar with the "Isn't it so cute how she teases me because she was born in January whereas I was born in October?" definition. However, just so we're clear, the word "older" in this column will refer to the "She can buy me beer and drop me off at my dorm in the morning when she's finished with me" definition.

Perhaps you have never been in a relationship with someone considerably older or younger than you. You might even believe such practices are weird or sad or desperate. I know this point of view all too well, for I was once just like you.

But, we must accept that times and opinions change. It's strange how college can alter your perspective on certain matters ... especially when a girl three years your senior becomes interested in your gaunt, barely post-adolescent frame. For the first time, this practice, this "inter-age dating," if you will, no longer seems weird or sad; it is revolutionary. It is the invention of the wheel. It is the personal computer. It is ice cream, flash-frozen into thousands upon thousands of tiny spheres and sold for only three dollars a cup on the Boardwalk.

It is, however, not a real relationship.

And that, my friends, is the twist. One may try to pretend that these liaisons are grounded in something more than pure physicality, but how could they be? What could a super-senior possibly have in common with an incoming freshman? Taste in music? Sure. Sense of humor? Absolutely. But that's not where the attraction lies. To say otherwise would just be dishonest.

Of course, you could be in a purely physical relationship with someone your own age and no one would bat an eye. People tend to look down on this mixing of the ages because they are either jealous or reminded of that dropout from their high school that used to always hang around their friend's little sister.

As a result, those who date outside their age bracket often feel compelled to justify their actions by claiming that, "No, really, So-and-so is actually really funny and sweet." This is a lie. So-and-so is neither funny nor sweet; she does, however, look really good in a Catholic school uniform.

In the end, the only people that have to feel comfortable in these situations are the two individuals involved. So, go ahead, kids, have your fun. Just don't be surprised when that pseudo-feminist grad student you've been cavorting with isn't necessarily interested in your views on Chomsky.