If I could marry an inanimate object, without question, I would marry my sweatpants.
Some people love stuffed animals, others love baseball gloves, but I simply love the thing that makes me most comfortable.
Before I came to college, I made a true effort to dress nice for school and various other events. I hardly wore anything less than khakis and a nice shirt to school, and could even be found wearing dressy clothes to work and other social obligations. Jeans made occasional appearances in my daily wardrobes, but sweats were completely out of the question.
Then I came to college. I maintained my semi-nice dress code, and found myself appalled as I saw hundreds of student schlep across campus to class wearing these less-than-appealing gym outfits. What was that about?
As Old Man Winter rolled around, I began to see the light; getting dolled up for an 8 a.m. class in -2Ăz F weather had no purpose. And as time progressed, I even began sporting sweats on the days when I started classes at noon.
My collection has grown to include about five pairs of sweatpants, most of which sport the Penn State logo, and I have accumulated about 13 different sweatshirts, and once again most are Penn State.
Rather than go out and buy the newest, most chic pair of Abercrombie slacks that I will wear twice in my life, I prefer to hit up the Clothesline and buy a pair of the latest and greatest sweats I will no doubt wear until they virtually come apart at the seams.
For me, sweats are a way of life. Sure, I like to hit up the khakis and dress clothes occasionally, but I prefer to bum it.
While I have never been one to care much about what other people think, sometimes I think people judge me based on my clothes. After taking note of my casual attire, some people on campus who have undoubtedly spent at least $500 on a single outfit look down on me as if I am scum of the earth.
I am sorry you prefer to walk around in jeans that are three sizes too tight, shoes that have four-inch heels and shirts which show more than they cover, but don't take your discomfort out on me. I choose, and will continue to choose comfort over virtually everything else.
Critics also challenge the impressions I make with important people. Luckily I have a job which does not require face-to-face contact with the public. I don't have to worry about dressing up for work and interacting with people on the behalf of a company; therefore I choose comfort in my work environment as well.
Although classroom settings do require some interaction with professors and TAs, I am confident that I can impress people with my intelligence and breadth of knowledge. I do not need to rely on clothes to get me grades, and that comforts me even more.
I actually think sweatpants have helped me to get where I am today. I do well in school, and I have achieved a 3.8 GPA thus far wearing sweats every so often, so I'm not about to give up that.
I refuse to dress up and pretend to be someone on the off chance I will earn a better grade.
I think I have reached a point in my life where it is time for me to settle down. Let's face it; I'm not getting any younger, and I think I have found my true match.
My sweatpants have always been there for me, and they will always be there for me. No matter how bad of a day I've had, they're always there to comfort me in my times of need. They have never given me any trouble, nor have they given me any reason to doubt their true loyalty and devotion.
So here and now I am proposing a most blessed union between my sweatpants and me for the duration of our lives.
I truly believe we have each met our match, and I know we will continue to utilize each other and to make each other happy for many years to come.
