I have a suggestion for a new general education course: Forum Etiquette 101. It can follow the format of First-Year Seminars by meeting once a week and being mandatory for all freshmen.

I reached this little epiphany Monday as I left my class in the Forum. My Forum experience was exactly the same on Monday as it has been every day since my freshman year.

I walked into the room and was greeted by the typical scene of aisle-seat-hoggers. Nothing is more frustrating than arriving early only to discover that people are sitting in the aisle seats only -forcing everyone to awkwardly straddle them in order to get to a seat.

If you arrive early, be a doll and gravitate to the seats in the middle. Aisle seats should be left for left-handed students, people with disabilities and perverts who enjoy having strangers' butts or crotches thrust into their faces during the struggle for a seat. After giving someone what could only be described as an awkward lap dance, I reached an empty seat and plopped down in it.

I was amidst taking notes when I heard the crinkle of cellophane in my ear. It didn't bother me -- until it had gone on for close to 10 minutes.

If you have candy, don't try to unwrap it quietly. There's no way to open something wrapped in cellophane quietly, so don't even bother. Rip it open, eat it, and get on with your life. Shortly after Candy Boy finally figured out the formula for opening his treat, I heard some idiot's phone ring. I'm pretty sure than in every class I've ever taken, the professor has repeatedly asked this simple thing of students. In all of those classes, some moron has neglected to do so and distracted everyone.

In Theatre 100, for example, nothing ruins the moment King Creon delivers a heartfelt speech to his dead son like the Mexican Hat Dance blaring from someone's backpack.

Just as I was getting back into the lecture and taking some notes, Susie 64-ounce Cappuccino next to me realized maybe she should've opted for a medium instead of the large. So I threw my notes onto my lap, folded up my desk and tried to squeeze my legs to the side so she could skip to the ladies' room.

A little hint: Before you even go into your Forum classroom, go potty. Your neighbors will appreciate not having to stop taking notes and rearrange their stuff for you to walk through to tinkle; and then again upon your return. Plan ahead like you're going on a car trip -- a 50-minute car trip with no rest areas in sight.

Then, I noticed that Bobby and Judy Cold Virus had become restless in the increasingly warm Forum classroom. Before I could pry my eyes away from them sniffling and petting each other sympathetically, Bobby sneezed on the guy in front of him. Dude, that is so not cool. Judy, being the peach that she is, helped out and dried the mucus on the poor kid's neck by hacking up a lung in his general direction.

For the sake of what little cleanliness is left in the world, cover your mouth if you cough or sneeze. Not only does covering your mouth prevent the spread of airborne germs, it prevents your saliva and/or mucous from splattering those poor kids sitting in front of you.

After I got my gag reflex under control, I was able to focus again on the lecture. My notetaking didn't last long, though, because Professor Student was interrupting the lecture again. Don't be that guy or girl who tries to wax-philosophical with the professor. For every stupid question you ask in an attempt to appear smart, those kids lose five minutes of lecture.

Don't get me wrong, ask questions if you're curious, confused or have a valid concern. But if you were smarter than the professor was, you'd be standing at the podium.

We ran out of time as the professor shook her head at Professor Student.

I left with half a page of notes and half a page of doodles of alligators eating stick figures that strikingly resemble people in class.

'Cause that was worth the walk.