Here is an idea for a cooking show that I think could be a real hit. The first recipe is a political potluck. Administration members infuse the dish with metaphor and current events add some spice. If there is one investment on which you would want to bet your Social Security dollars, it might be this show!

Step 1. Start with oil. I've got a particular affinity for oil -- anything with a slight tinge of color -- so maybe olive oil.

Step 2. Heat a pressure cooker for a long period of time to make sure it's good and hot before you go and put anything in. Add the oil.

Step 3. Simultaneously (if you possess the ability to do two things at once) steam some kind of easy rice. Uncle Ben's is a good brand. Maybe make it in a ricer as to ensure that it would not boil over into a steamy cloud of some sort, or undercook and leave a soggy mess.

Rice would be fine alone because it can basically go along with anything. But we know rice, alone, will not do the job. That's for sure. So if you surround rice with other flavors and textures, often procured from other countries in free trade, you will probably get a better bubbling mass.

Step 4. Add rice to oil. I know it's unorthodox to add the rice first, but that's what I'm going to do. No need to read directions or consult a chef.

Step 5. Use the CIA (cooking instruction assistance) to run a test to make sure that there will be enough oil, if there is not going to be enough you're going to have to add something else. Although this part is up in the air, most people would add meat.

Step 6. Prepare the meat. Since this dish is experimental, I think we should try small wolf meat-bits. If you can't find wolf bits in your supermarket then just add any first-grade -- I mean grade A -- beef.

Step 7. Chop, dice, or slice the meat. Again, don't worry about what kind of meat it is -- it's all pretty easy to get, particularly if you get it fresh out of school.

Otherwise just use whatever you lasso that day or quail hunted recently. Basically, so long as it's fresh, because if meat gets old it's not as good to cook in extreme temperatures.

Step 8. Add rum. Pour in two cups, because one cup won't burn hot enough. Once the rummy is in the pot, light a fire under it. It'll flame up, particularly in regions you might find more of the rice. Concentrate the rummy in the areas where the rice has recently been in order to liberate as many flavors as you can.

Step 9. Boil. It may get hot -- way past the boiling point -- so pull aside as much rice as you can to save it for the neighboring regions of the dish, which will need an unblemished amount of rice.

Step 10. Stir and serve over a bushel of white, dried up, potatoes. These potatoes also should be old, and glistening in oil.

Step 11. Bon Apetit! Enjoy the results of the recipe, though I'm not sure what it will taste like. Did I say stir? Ohh, I like that way that sounds in a southern accent. Diss-ahh-stir? Eat up.

Helpful hints.

1. If you fear the dish is burning, dowse it with oil. Whenever in doubt, add oil.

2. Take away the pit-free peach. (This is usually in the supermarket's frozen section, sold in cans by a company called "freezed peach.") In case you're wondering, the peach was added before this dish started. But, since it's turning tart, get rid of it. You never want to clutter a good dish with fruity fruits.

3. A good way to take away the "freezed peach" is by chilling it. I know, it may not make sense, but this recipe is kind of being made up as we go.

4. Make sure you have plenty of innocuous things around the house to clean up. Luckily right now we have SpongeBob.

5. You now the rule: Those who cook don't have to clean up.