That's great confidence in your running game -- the future of which you had to steal from the Eagles.

Considering Turkeyberger crapped out, you almost had two deuces on the bench. And where are your non-existent cheerleaders?

And, seriously, don't you realize Pittsburgh is a footnote in the history of third-rate cities? The entire East Coast considers you a hanging chad on Ohio. In short, if you travel (assuming you go anywhere) you will realize that nobody cares about Pittsburgh. So get over it and move on.

Literally. Get out of Pittsburgh.

E-A-G-L-E-S, Eagles:

Congrats, you finally made it! Wow, the last three-time loser in the NFC championship game was, hmmm, there never was one.

You are like a lesser '90s Buffalo Bills.

So, for all the kids in State College from Philly, congratulations! I mean, really, growing up in Bucks County, Norristown, Doylestown -- basically anywhere that ends in "town"-- gives you the right to punch anyone in the face that isn't wearing green. Or smash a beer bottle over their head. Or have your friends hold someone down and beat the crap out of them.

Listen you suburban, soccer-mom-having, sucker-punching, Yuengling-guzzling, Todd Stinkston-cheering, three-time loser: If this event is so important for your fair city, go home!

For your sake I hope the Eagles win.

But, when they do, be careful not to strain your neck looking out of the window and waiting for the parade to pass Downingtown. Or, better yet, stay up here and when you lose, punch a hole in a wall and you'll find you bleed Pats red. Then you can catch a ride in the ambulance to the hospital -- the very same one you threw eggs at earlier in the evening because it was not green.